Friday, August 6, 2010

Entry 70: Caleb Comments

Peeps, 

You may not know it, but I take quite a bit of time going through the blogging world and finding little known blogs that rock.  There are lots out there!  Almost always when I stop by I leave some sort of comment; it's nice to let someone know that you read their shit.  (Yes, that was a thinly-veiled criticism of you non-commenting readers)

Sometimes I really amuse myself with the comments I leave.  But you never know about them!  Well, unless it's your blog I comment on.  So I combed through and found some comments I have left in the last week or so.  If they require explanation, I'll give it.  Otherwise they stand alone.  And no, this isn't some sort of "I don't feel like coming up with an actual post" cop-out, because it was actually a pain in the butt to track all this down.  You're welcome. 

1. "What the hell is a kilometre?"

2.  "So yeah, don't think too far ahead. You're just a kid, and with the rate  civilization grows and the developments in medicine, you'll probably live till 200 or so. So babies at 50 or 60 is probably going to be the new norm! Also, you said "gorgeous friend of mine"... I'm probably going to need to see some pics.

Hustle up now."


3. "Women have orgasms too? I thought you were just supposed to give her yours? Like a swap deal?

Weird.

Also, I heard the opposite about pineapple. Haven't tested it yet on anyone."


4. " Way to take a tragedy and turn it into a mean-spirited hate fest!

No, wait- that didn't sound right. I meant it was hilarious."


5. "Usually the girls that are 'one of the guys' are fun and easy to meet, but you can sometimes snag on the "let's go from this" to "me getting in your pants."

In the end, most men like a "lady" (whatever that means to you) but one that is accessible, fun, and relatively laid back.

Do I really just mean a lady in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom?
Probably.

Sigh
."


6. "Reminds me of the joke: what did the snail say when it got a ride on the turtle's back?

Weeeeee!!!!!"


7. "Cool blog!

Frankly, I only visited because I saw a small picture of boobs in a bikini, but once I got here I read through several posts.

Nice tips! (er... if you know what I mean...)"


8.  "Hippies!

Don't fall for their tofu-eating, organic, moped riding shenanigans.

They all need to go get jobs.

How ya been?!"


9. "Dear smiley-face using Katarina,

Good points. You're spot on about the movie thing.

What am I looking for? Probably close to the same thing every guy is. We just do it differently- without objectives. Let me break it down for you.

1. We look for a hottie. That could mean many things, but it has to be attractive to us.

2. Okay, she's hot. Now what? Rule out idiots, psychos, bitches, tramps, and whores.

3. Still standing? Okay, does she have a few great qualities? Loves kids? Smart? Educated? Great family?

4. STILL standing? Wow. Okay then- here's the final kicker for me. Is she CRAZY about me? AND does she give blowjobs regularly and often?

So you see, you don't set out to meet anything in particular; you just run them through filter by filter."


10.  [To one of my favorite dating-authors at howverylucky.com.  She was pretty much creaming herself over some guy and anticipating a great date]

"Would you just hurry up and bone this guy already? 

I’ll start your next post for you:

“So hi! I’m Staci! It’s nice to finally meet you- it’s like I already know you!” 

“[thick french accent] Oh my dear Staci… you are as beautiful as a rose in the snow… I love zis place- great pick! Tell me about yourself and stare into my dreamy eyes”

“[heart afluttering] Um, let’s just go make out in an alley, then go to my place!”

And, missy, if you put another “to be continued...” at the best part of your story, I’m laying down an ass whoopin.
Good luck!"

10.5 Another comment I left on HVL:  

"Skank."

Seriously, there are tons of clever, funny, and interesting writers out there!  Some of my "followers" (read: minions) have their own blogs and they are, by and large, kick ass.  Click their profile names and it will link to their blogs; though some of you I see have already done that.  Matchmaking, right?

Have a classy weekend- I'll be out with "Douchebag" preparing some more pictures and adventures.  This guy is causing trouble already...

Caleb "I comment a lot" Shreves 

12 comments:

  1. You do comment a lot. But I like it because your comments are pretty much hilarious.

    That's right, I gave you a compliment. It doesn't happen often, so relish it. RELISH it.

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  2. Thank you for sharing the blog love, my friend. This reminds me that I haven't shared my favorites with others for a bit. Gratzi.

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  3. I always feel weird posting comments on blogs I've never posted on before unless they posted on mine first (such as you).

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  4. Housewife, my journal is absolutely FILLED with the emotions I went through after receiving your compliment. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    Nessun problema!

    Why feel weird? Just bust right in and do it. It's like wedding crashing, but you can't get caught.

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  5. Yeah, but you also can't get free booze or any pooty, which I'm assuming is the best part of crashing a wedding. Here, there's just the knowledge that someone be creeping.

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  6. Did he just use the word pooty?? Let me guess, after you get "pooty" you go "potty"?

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  7. I did. I'm awkward. I heard it in a rap song one time & I've used it ever since.

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  8. Wasn't Pooty-Tang a rapper or something? Or a congressman? I get these things mixed up. I, however, will not be using "pooty". Nor will I use "cooter". Just not going to happen.

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  9. I think it was a Ludacris song.

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  10. I am very happy to be at number 2 on this list. Sorry I didn't hustle up. Rest assured tho that everytime I read your comments I laugh so jog on and do some more...not necessarily for me. I won't be greedy. Just share the love :o)

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  11. The Housewife Is Right

    Your comments are hilarious

    & out of curiousity
    what's wrong with the word cooter?

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  12. Yay! I'm No. 8!

    Somehow, this just totally made my week. That should be a compliment to you. In some weird way, I suppose.

    (fist pump)

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