So recently I had a (brief) moment of self-reflection where I realized that a conversation that had just happened had, in fact, happened. Determined to share with you what an ordinary conversation with me might look like, I immediately transcribed it to the best of my ability and checked it with my friend, RM, who I had just had the conversation with. We sometimes do the weekly crossword, but often get delayed due to awesome conversations like this.
Here it is:
RM: "Are you ready to do the crossword now?"
Me: "Yeah, sorry, I had to re-post all my toys on Craigslist."
Me: "Yeah, I have several I need to sell. And when I do, I'm totally going to be responsible with the money."
RM: "Your eyes make me doubt you."
Me: "Okay, half responsible. I'll use half to pay for ::does air quotes:: 'Bills', and half on booze and whores. Well, booze anyway. Not sure how much whores are... ::considers:: Are they expensive? What's the going rate for whores nowadays, anyway?"
RM: "Um. I don't know."
Me: "Ballpark. Be reasonable."
RM: "I don't know. Why would I know that?"
Me: "I'm just asking for an educated guess here. Are we talking $20? $10,000? I just want to get an estimate."
RM: "A $20 whore doesn't sound like it'd be good."
Me: "Do you suppose $100 would do? You know, for one nights work? Maybe they operate like hotels and if you're still in past 11AM the next morning they charge you another stay."
RM: "Gross. I think $100 sounds a bit cheap for a whore."
Me: ::sighs:: "You're probably right. What about $250? Straight up. From the dinner hour through the evening. Dancing optional."
RM: "You're going to buy your whore dinner?"
Me: "Buy her dinner? Fuck no! I just gave her $250- I think she can afford a Subway sammich!"
RM: "You're really [at this point we don't remember if she said A)an idiot, B) cheap, or C)a fucking retard] you know?"
Me: ::wonders what whores eat:: "Anyway. On to logistics."
Me: ::ignores:: "Where are the whores at? I mean, where do you get them?"
RM: "I don't know where whores are. Why would I know that? You seem to think I know a lot about whores." ::casts suspicious glance my way::
Me: ::ignores:: "If you had to guess though? Downtown? The Library? Do they come out in the day or are they like Vampires? Oh! Oh! Are they still on Craigslist?? Under... erotic massage was it?"
RM: "No, they had to shut that section down remember?"
Me: "Oh right right right.... where'd they move to? Recreational vehicles? Home appliances?"
RM: "Yes Caleb. Home appliances. That's where they went. Can we do the crossword now?"
Me: ::rubs hands in maniacal glee:: "Yes... yes we can. I'll BRB." ::darts away towards desk::
RM: "No! No whore shopping! We have to do the crossword!"
Me: [yelling from my desk now] "Two minutes!"
RM: [yelling] "God! I just wanna do the CROSSWORD!!"
Me: [yelling] "Two minutes I say!"
RM: [yelling] "Said that before, haven't ya!?"
Me: ::ponders:: "Shut up, that's why!"
But it kind of gets you thinking, doesn't it? Where are there whores? What DO they cost?
It occurs to me that I know more about zombies than whores. For shame.
Also, I found this:
|Yes, it says "Luv Box"|