Friday, January 25, 2013

Out Of Con-text

Sometimes when I'm bored (sorry, that implies times when I'm NOT bored) I like to reread old text conversations, stopping to read random texts without any context.  I do that because, well, they're hilarious a lot of the time.  I recommend you try this game as well-- it's a lot of fun.  So, for your enjoyment, here are some actual text messages from my phone.  See if you can guess what they were about!  Or see if you can pick out which ones I sent and which ones someone sent me.  If you read this and recognize one of your texts, well.... nicely done.

Oh, and I'd just post the actual pictures of the texts, but it would A) require more work and B) pictures can sometimes slow this blog down. 

Here is the first round of peeps.  


"Don't forget the antique pie safe to the left."

"No. Whore. I don't care if we're plural."

"Btw I would have been using cumboil on Eric."

"Maybe you can't tell but those are sea turtle lights in my bathroom."

"Words like 'bird autopsy' are being tossed around."

"Although I did like your Forrest Gump with the bubbles at the church."


"Anal on the first go is cool if it happens at a wedding, right?"

"come watch football, cards game, and we'll share stories about boners."

"fap time over"

"Hood rat, cholo.  Then whatever."

"I really wish there was a "fag" button on Facebook so I could press it once I saw what u were listening to on Spotify."

The Gypsy:

"asians eating french toast with chop sticks!"

"It sounds like it involves balls"

"Though these rapscallions named the lumineers played a fetching tune"

"I had to defend my dominance title again this Christmas"

"And mind texting=helping tech take over the world. Duh."


"If there's one thing I always say about you it's that you always do what's best for yourself. Er wait no...I never say that."

"hurry up, you tards of fuckery!"

"you, sir, are a whore whisperer... and I salute you."

"Every time I hear a goose I think of you."

"Send her on a  trip to the looney religious theme park where she can see lifelike recreations of when cavemen rode their brontosauruses into the ark so Jesus could make wine or whatever."


"Hunnn-E. Moose tard."

"Alternate ending: it was a dick in a box."

"Trying to use telekinesis to teach the dog to use the litter box."

"Wearing your shirt all retarded? Then you aren't drunk enough."

"On is extra wasted and doing tai chi to the gangland psy song."

"Are you bleaching your asshole?"

"Rimming bottles with my ass might not be a joke tonight."

"You can't just renig Rick Ross!"

So... I like this game.  Next time I'll pick a few more people and do the same! Kinda fun.
And for everyone who hassles me about not blogging more often: suck it.  IdowhatIwant.
Finally, here you go.  One picture.

Yup. Soak that in.

Caleb "Team Jacob" Shreves