Companeros,
As you know, I've taken many an occasion to rip on the dating world and especially the antics of men on dating sites. Read this if you've forgotten.
I realized I had Fox-newsed it up and forgotten to provide any balance on the issue. So I present to you the profile of someone who messaged me on PoF. Without the picture (though the blurry photo of her in skank-attire appeared to be attractive).
"about me: im sexy i have a great body im looking for a handson guy athletic ho likes to play or full around an very hadsom.and im also like to exsercise alot .i like to play with man.i also like to do anythin."
Lots to go off of there, right? "Handson guy athletic ho" is pretty good, as is "i like to play with man.i also like to do anythin" Nice. That really covers all your bases. Here was her idea of a first date:
"i would anythig he wants an maybe talk and have a little fun and full around"
Yup. Anything I want. AND maybe (maybe) talk. Sounds ideal!
Look, I can be skanky and all, but this crosses some sort of boundary for me. And, to top it all off, here is her basic info. See if you catch the best part!
am Seeking a
Man
For Hang Out
Do you drink?
No
Marital Status:
Single
Profession:
teacher
Smarts:
N/A
Do you want children?
Does not want children.
Do you do drugs?
NoDid you question the "no" to drugs? Close. Did you love that under 'Smarts' she had 'N/A'? Yes, that was a good one. The best however? Catch it? Profession. TEACHER!!
Best. Classroom. Ever.
So ladies, remember: men don't have a monopoly on ridiculous profiles!
And yes, we're going out next week. Planning on "fulling around" and maybe (I said maybe) talking. You know- see how it goes.
Cripes.
Caleb "is she serious?" Shreves
hahahahahaha
ReplyDeleteThats Awesome!
However I have learned in the past that HANG OUT is code for casual hook ups.
Can not wait for the update of the date.
Umm.. maybe she teaches at a beauty college?? Like a nail person or something?? Hopefully??
ReplyDeleteAnd you're still going on a date with her?!? Dude. Well, there's sumthin tu bee sad for full arund I geuss.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I feel that maybe I didn't lay my sarcasm down thick enough. No, I will not be going on a date with, or otherwise fulling arund with, this "teacher."
ReplyDeleteGive me some credit, eh team?
Yeah I presumed you wouldn't actually be going on that date, though if you ever struggle for humorous anecdotes (doubtful) you should definitely "hang out".
ReplyDeleteDon't you want to maybe (maybe) talk to her though? Weak sauce.
ReplyDeleteActually, Caleb, the best part is the one-two punch of Profession: Teacher, Smarts: N/A. Fulling around sure sounds fun, though.
ReplyDeleteWaht's wrong wit er? Chi sims nyce.
ReplyDeleteA girl like that is good. She'll keep your brain stimulated and working hard. It's good if you want to work on your deciphering skills and you never know when you'll need this type of skill.
You're all awesome!
ReplyDeleteAnd Andrew... yeah, I know. Weak sauce. I've been telling myself that too, but it'd be too expensive to pay for condoms when you had to triple bag it every time.