Friday, February 11, 2011

Entry 129: Valentine's Day Special!

               In honor of this most sacred holiday (I'm referring to Steak & BJ Day, of course) I wanted to share with you one of my all-time favorite stories.  It's a true story about my dad when he was in second grade and ridiculed by every other student and his evil demon-skank of a teacher.  While the story is a bit dramatic, it's 100% true.  Seriously.  Here goes!

               My dad sighed as he laid his head down on his arms.  The other kids in his Second grade class were giggling excitedly as they rushed up and down the rows of desks, depositing handmade Valentines Day cards in each person’s handmade Valentines Day card reception box.  Each person, that is, except my dad.



               “Georgie-Porgie!” kids would call him mockingly, with not only the consent of the teacher but often with her outright encouragement.   School had become a nightmare for my dad, with each day bringing new torments and new types of embarrassment.  Just that day during recess a telling event had occurred: after a moth had flown in his ear and he couldn’t get it out he asked his teacher if he could go to see the nurse.  He asked this privately, not wanting the attention- and subsequent ridiculing- of his classmates, but the teacher gleefully announced to the other children that “poor Georgie” had gotten a bug stuck in his ear and had to go to the nurse now. 


                 “Isn’t that funny, kids?” she asked, and glared spitefully at my dad.  There was no rationale or reason for the unrelenting terror she inflicted on my father each day, as he was mostly a quiet and polite little boy.  He was also the only student in the class that she treated this way.

Picture of a happy class. *not pictured: dad

                Dad had spent the night before this Valentine’s Day party as he spent most nights; crying and pleading with his parents to remove him from his daily nightmare.  His farm-wife mother and workaholic father were not completely unsympathetic or uncaring, but they also did little to help- either because they thought he was exaggerating or because they felt that there was nothing that they really could do. So he sat with his head down, on Valentines day, with tears in his eyes trying not to attract the attention of any classmates lest they decide that enough time had passed since their last torture administration and they turned their cruel scorn back to him once again.

Grandma and Grandpa may or may not have had pink flamingos.


                 As he sat in his desk with his head down while other students were gleefully exchanging Valentines, my dad looked up to see a girl from his class shyly approaching his desk.  He watched in wonder as she hesitantly dropped a Valentine into his homemade box.  Making the Valentine box was an assignment that he had been required to complete, but he certainly hadn’t made it with any thought or hopes of actually receiving a Valentine; the class mockery of him was complete and total with no ally or potential friend to be found.

I imagine this to be my dad, giddy at the thought of a true Valentine

              So, in shock, he slowly drew the card out of the box and began peeling back the hand-tied ribbon that kept it closed.  His eyes brightened as he pulled the card out of the envelope and he saw a generic “Valentine’s Day” written on the front with glitter.  When he opened the card he saw a handwritten message, which looked like this:

My rendering of dad's Valentine

Let me transcribe this for you:

I hate you.  U stink.  P. U. 

Ouch!  What kind of evil, twisted girl would do something like this?  Dad doesn't remember the name of the girl who gave him this Valentine, but I'm pretty sure that I've dated her daughters.

Dad started escaping everyday life by watching TV all the time at home.  Since this was years ago and they were poor, one of the only shows on TV was the televangelist Billy Graham.  Dad ordered one of the free bibles from TV and began begging Jesus to save him from having to go to the same school the following year.

This might actually be Robert Duvall 

             Believe it or not, 2 weeks before the start of the next school year the district re-zoned and my dad got to go to a different school.  A happy place, filled with great teachers and wonderful classmates.  My alma mater, as a matter of fact (I finally brought some real class to the place).

Pretty sure this was my elementary school

                  Luckily, my dad moved past this experience and harbors no ill-will towards demon-teacher or any of the hell-spawn minions that infested his second grade class.  Pretty big of him, I'd say.  He even went on to be homecoming king in high school!  Yes, he was cooler than I was.  Suck it.

So remember, no matter how shitty you think your Valentine's day is going, it could always be worse!

Happy S&BJ Day!

I couldn't find my dad's homecoming picture, so here is the next best thing. 

Caleb "say hello to ya motha for me!" Shreves


  1. I hate that little girl. Because I did the opposite. In the fourth grade, I made a shit-ton of Valentines for the little boy that the teacher picked on and hit. Because I didn't want her to hit me, all the Valentines were anonymous. The look on his face made me wish I had signed every one, he was shockedhappy.

  2. I think it depends on the rest of the card. You say there was glitter and maybe some hearts? In 2nd grade when a girl says she hates you, she's really desperately in love. Thus setting up all relationships between men and women thereafter ;)

    p.s. Steak and BJ day?! Nice! haha.

  3. Caleb, that's a really sad story. My heart goes out to your poor Dad.

  4. Caleb, just reag ur blog. It was pretty sad. Tell your father I hope he has a great Valentines Day and you as well!:*

  5. I'm so glad you decided to go with the black kid. :)

  6. What is it with you American's that you think making these boxes to basically advertise popularity is the way to go on Valentines day. Over here if you don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend you don't get a Valentines card. That's that. My poor Granny told me the other day that at 84 she has never had a man give her a card. Not even her husband. Does this mean us Brits are cynical and mean? :s

  7. Reason # 17 of why Valentine's Day sucks and while the story was pretty sad, the light-hearted tone you told it in should make your pops proud.

    See, little witches in training like that heifer probably set the tone for scarring men when it comes to dealing with women. Like seriously, I'm sure for every unstable loser (I think I've met nearly all of them), they've probably got some "I'm this way because when I was little..." story to tell.

    Thanks for sharing. =)

  8. Had no idea your dad went to school at the Magic Kingdom lmao!

  9. @Mollie- You're getting quite the "first" streak going! Way to go. And awesome move- too bad you weren't in my dad's class!

    @LB@T- True story (and the story of my first crush), but in this case I'm pretty sure it was real hate. But he, like me, (rhyme!) grew to be handsome and charming and took his revenge on womankind. Though, as usual, I think they get the last laugh.

    @Nikki I know, right? What a douche teacher. I'll give dad your condolences!

    @Anjelica Thanks! Will do. And I think you mean S&BJ day.

    @Wiz I'm an equal opportunity blogger. Plus, I couldn't find pictures of white kids crying.

    @Laura Tough love- I like it. There's just not enough cynicism and bitterness here in the American Midwest. Your granny sounds tough! And Grandpa a real romantic... (I like his style)

    @MDH (PS I know it's you, Carmen! Gotcha!!!) I think dad is proud. He tells the story pretty amazingly in person, but I don't have a video camera so I make do with tacky illustrations. And yes, I- like the other losers- have a "they picked on me in grade school so I'm getting them back" story. When will we be even? When I've hate-stabbed all of them! Nope, no bitterness here.

    @Amy Thanks cuz!

    @Cassi Yup, and me too. We had classes in princess-ery, spell-casting, spotting evil witches, and dragon-slaying. I got straight B's. And Mickey might have tried to touch me inappropriately, but that's another story.

  10. This sounds like a story about me...

  11. OMG. Finally had time to catch up.

    Seriously V-Day can suck.

  12. Not only am I getting first streaks, I'm marching on to the last. Chuckles.

  13. Curse you! Always one step ahead...

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