Monday, June 20, 2011

Entry 143: Hehheh... "Entry 143" How Many 'Entries' Does It Take Before... You Know What, Nevermind.

Hey There Peepsosaurus!

You know, every time I make up some ridiculous name that ends in "saurus," I always wonder, "does that end in a 'us' or 'os'?"  Because, of course, when you're making up words it's important to spell them right.  So this time I finally looked it up.  Which means, reader, that my calling you "peepsosaurus" was done with the utmost of academic integrity.

That being said (because it was), look at what I found!

Can you guess which one is me?

Same jeans?  Check.  Black Laredo boots on?  Check.  Same "corncob stuck in my butt" strut?  Check.  Nondescript shirts?  Check.  Talking on a white iPhone?  Check.

That's right.  I found my twin while I was in Chicago!  I thought it would be fun to sneak him back to the hotel and trick LJ into having some sex with him, then I would jump out and yell "surprise! gotcha!" and she'd laugh and laugh, but we were running late to the Shedd Aquarium.

When we got to the Aquarium I thought I was going to have to have an epic battle with Linezilla, but for an extra 11 cents you can skip the 2 hour line, get a years membership, and get in right away.  Yeah, apparently some people are dumb enough to not do that and prefer standing in line next to overweight emo teenagers that insist on wearing clothes that fit them 8 years ago.  Great plan, happy. 

But you know what's really cool?  When we got in, I showed the chick at the counter my gun show and she was all like "Holy cow!  Your guns!  Please do us the honor of naming a new species of fish!"  And then I was all like "Fine.  But these guns are fer lookin', not fer touchin'"  (Which is a lie, because, she could totally touch 'em.  But you know.) 

Ladies and Gentlemen, behold my aquatic masterpiece!

Named this one after my dear great-grandmother...bless her soul.  

You're welcome.  Now you might be saying "Whoa, whoa Caleb!  Slow down!  What were you doing in Chicago?  What have you been up to?  You can't just stroll into your blog without-"  Which is where I interrupt you because you SO talk too much and I zoned out seconds ago.  I will tell you what I was not doing however, because I took a neurotic and probably OCD girlfriend with me: getting lost.

It's kind of hard to see (sorrs), but these are directions, printed out, to and from every location within 200 miles of Chicago.  Home to hotel, home to Wrigley, Wrigley to hotel, hotel to Wrigley, Wrigley to home, hotel to home, etc.  This isn't even all of them (for serious).   I'm all like, "Yeah, that's crazy sweet and all, but it turns out- like most things in life- the best solution is in my pocket." 

Yeah... who even prints out directions anymore? Sheesh.  That's so 2005.  Get the net, LJ!  (This is the part where she jumps in and argues that my iPhone map app is possessed, and the little blue dot has the ability to travel through time and space in ways that do not follow known scientific models.  My standard retort goes as follows: "shut up, that's why."  Then I kiss my iPhone on it's mouth.  Well, where I imagine the mouth to be anyway.)

^ longest parenthetical thought of the day award!  Yay me!


I went and saw the Cubs, they were awesome, and Wrigley field is my Mecca.  But you knew that.  And you also probably knew that the Cubs are the greatest sports team in the history of the universe.  And you ALSO probably knew that I am a respectful and dignified fan of the game, who tries to treat my fellow man with grace and tact even when that sentiment is not returned.  However, Yankees and Cardinals fans are rarely worthy of such treatment. 

I generously offered a co-worker (Yankees fan) text updates with pics and highlights of the game.  She told me I'd "better effing not" and then said bad things would happen if I did.  Then I received this:

Threatening my innocent Blue Doritos?  Not cool.  Typical Yankee fan.

And Cardinal fans?  They always claim that they know the most about sports.  I was suspicious of this claim until recently, when an obliging Cardinal fan took the time to explain to a group of us the difference, in animal-mascot terms, of the Cubs and the Cardinals.  Maybe they do know a lot.  Worth considering.

Enjoy.  (and no, you can't have these 19 seconds of your life back.)

What's the point of all this rambling?  Well, okay.  Fair enough- you caught me.  I really just wanted to show you the funniest father/son picture I've ever seen, courtesy of Andrew at Too Much pressure.  Thanks, man.  Awesome pic!  Seeing you as a baby really explains some things.

Stay classy!

Caleb "coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee" Shreves

PS someone please buy me the t-shirt that has 5 commas and a picture of a chameleon.  Thanks.


  1. This post made me miss my iphone :( Watch out, if you love it too much someone may steal it from you too :(((

    I've got a better one about maps! My mom printed out google street map pictures to find her way from the station to my flat! :D

  2. When I hit play on that video, it somehow unpaused my Pandora station and some MGMT song started blasting, and turned that short video into a hipster masterpiece.

    You can't just go in for the ikiss, Caleb. You gotta warm her up, stroke her home button a little. Gently. Yeah, just like that. Ping!

  3. Andrew's Dad looks a lot like Monroe.

  4. You stole my picture! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

    Also, just so everyone knows, my dad no longer has the mustache. But it was known once-upon-a-time by my cousins as "The Ben-stache."

  5. could this photo have been taken in any decade but the 80's? those glasses and cop 'stache say no.

  6. Sorry Andrew, but if that baby picture didn't just put me off procreating forever...nothing will.

  7. Your blue dot is a sham. SHAAAAAAAAAM.

    And, yes, I got us to Lakeshore Drive with no map, no blue dot, and no small amount of disbelief and hassling from you, sir. You can suck my blue dot!!


    Great Smurf comeback, but the jury's out on how that phrase actually applies here.

    L-we survived a possessed elevator and ate the best burger ever- J

  8. Vapid Vixen, this is an absolutely terrible picture of me. Because Caleb obviously hates me & couldn't use one that had me looking cute. Because usually I was cute. My mom wrote on the back of this one, "Buggers!" Yeah, I have no idea what the hell she was talking about...

  9. Threatening my innocent Blue Doritos? soo funny :o)

  10. Perhaps I'm a little ocd as well because I print directions too!! I can blame the pissy service from T Mobile, but one time too many, "no service" has snuffed out my dreams for mobile directions.

    Hope your Doritos escaped unscathedm :)

  11. Hey Caleb, no photography aloud in the Aquarium. Did you not read the signs!

  12. The good news is that I snuck into work early Monday morning and safely extracted my blue Doritos, seal team 6 style.

    Really, Andrew? Usually cute?

    Sounds like a challenge.

    ::runs cackling to the blog laboratory::

  13. What's that under the "pe" of your header?

  14. Hehheh... ::snicker:: .... ::snort::...


    ::cackles maniacally::

  15. Justin took that same exact picture of the Slippery Dick when he was in Chicago and sent it to me. Justin and you have stood in the exact same spot only like two years apart. Mind = blown.

    PS I agree with Steamy, you have to woo the phone. There it is all day, getting poked and prodded, doing your bidding, just getting used and then put in your pocket. You gotta let her know you care, but not by forcing your kisses on her. Let her come to you.

  16. Awesome! Super jealous that you got to go to those games. I would love to see Wrigley one day. And those poor poor doritos, does that woman have no heart?!

  17. Ah, okay. I HAD thought it might be.
    Coincidence: I saw a huge one drawn on a seat of a bus today. Too bad I didn't have a camera or I'd probably have taken a picture for you :P
    Oh, and I almost sat on it (*shudder*) but after I rejected it, I saw a nun take that seat. *gigglespaz*

  18. Cake. Holy Santa Claus shit. In a way that's amazing, and in a way I'm totally not surprised. If we lived closer we could be swingers. I'm not even sure what that means, but it sounds super on the website.

    TGN- go to Wrigley, immediately. And no, she is heartless and cruel. Or, in terms of women in general, what I like to call "average."

    HM- You know I would need any and all pictures of anything like that, right? Just think how entertained all day long I would be if you snapped a photo of a nun gently setting herself down on... well, you know. That would earn gigglespaz for days!