In my previous post, I mentioned my twin, a Slippery Dick, hostage blue Doritos, and the benefits of the iPhone. But all of that was a roundabout way of showing you what, I felt, was the best father/son picture ever taken. My friend Andrew from the blog Too Much Pressure (read it!) with his dad. Here it is again for you ADD-can't-remember-anything crowd:
Pirate baby, right? Well, actually, Kimmie thought he looked like a baby popeye. Spot on, Kim.
Well, Andrew- while appreciative of the flattery- felt that this baby picture was not representative of his typical baby cuteness. He had this to say in the comments:
Vapid Vixen [who said this this picture was effective birth control], this is an absolutely terrible picture of me. Because Caleb obviously hates me and couldn't use one that had me looking cute. Because usually I was cute. My mom wrote on the back of this one, "Buggers!" Yeah, I have no idea what the hell she was talking about...
Well, I didn't want Andrew to think that I had somehow maliciously picked out his goofiest looking picture just for the amusement of myself and my readers, so I decided to do some investigating and see if, in fact, most of his baby pictures were cute. Had I found one anomalous picture? Was this an outlier?
Turns out Andrew was right, and I was wrong. He left a bevy (::crosses 'use the word bevy' off the to-do list::) of
Ah-dorable. The perfectly fitted hat, the artfully placed freckles... in fact, if you look closely, you can see the loving craftsmanship that went into designing the patches over the knee. Score one for Andrew.
And how about this gem?
I don't know what I like more in this picture, the snappy overalls or the baby-on-one-leg pose. If you look closely, you can see a bit of the popeye face on young Andrew.
In this oh-so-adorable picture I won't even point out which one is Andrew. See if you can guess!
I think that Andrew and I have a lot in common. I too was always "that guy" that had to be different in every picture, never face the camera, and had inordinate pride in my overly-large and oblong head. We suffer in silence, Andrew.
Cuuute! Once again we see a hint of the Popeye face here, but nothing as intense as the original picture from Entry 143. Though the distress and obvious escape attempt in this picture is telling, it's still much cuter than the one I picked out. Touche.
You know what's cute? No, no... not just the too-short pants. And not the brown shoes or even the perfectly symmetrical hair part. Nope- look closer. The epic tenderness used to hold that rabbit in place on the fern bridge? Beautiful.
So after reviewing the evidence, I've come to realize that I needed to set the record straight and show people that Andrew was right, I picked the one strange picture he had, and show you the rest of the pictures so you could gain the proper context.
Oh! Oh! Because I can:
Sorry Andrew. That's just... the most ridiculous picture I've ever seen. On the plus side, I didn't submit any of these to awkwardfamilyphotos.com. But maybe YOU should! And I want t-shirts made up with the original father/son picture by next Father's Day. I stand by my assertion: best. picture. ever.
In fairness, one day I promise to divulge a few of my embarrassing kiddy pics. I, uh, have some bad ones.
Caleb "sets the record straight" Shreves
PS In other news, I was awarded "Reader of the Decade" by the Cubs site bleachernation.com. Epic.
PPS In an effort to create balance in The Force, I'll include ONE actual cute Andrew baby picture. Hope you're happy.
PPPS wait... wait... more balance needed. Here's one ugly baby, not Andrew.
There we go... ::sighs:: Balance, restored.