Monday, December 6, 2010

Entry 113: Don't Taze Me, Bro!

After two days of good snowmobiling, I found myself exhausted and hungry this past Sunday.  Cledus, of Sunday Funday fame, and his girlfriend "Babbles"(so named because of her near-incoherence after drinking boxed-wine all day) were at the local bar and had called me to come up and visit.  Kimmie had called, too, and probably wanted to make sure I was still alive after snowmobiling so much (she's a worrier). 

You know how some nights you don't expect anything interesting to happen, and then BAM! and someone ends up naked on a roof or a bus full of Hooters girls show up?  That's what happened Sunday. 

Cledus and Babbles and been drinking all day, and he was in rare form as far as comments were concerned.  In fact, he said some things that I will not be typing in any of these entries if that tells you anything.

Anyway, turns out that the local bar had "acquired" a taser.  You, as I do, probably think this is a terrible idea, but one destined for awesomeness.  We would be right.  The taser was out for all of 30 seconds before Cledus decides that he, in fact, wants to see what it's like to get tazed.

For moral support, another guy celebrating his 40th birthday decides that he, too, would like to be tazed.  Who gets reluctantly dragged into doing the tazing?  Kimmie.  Now she has as much urge to hurt people as anyone I know, but tazing people?  Even she was a bit hesitant.  And she once famously said, "Violence is the only appropriate form of touching."

She was a good sport though and promptly fired the taser up.  She gave it a few test runs, which produced a satisfying "crack" sound and a cool lightning show.  Cledus turns his arm and starts goading Kimmie into tazing him.  So she does.

Pretty damn awesome!  Those things really put out a bite!  He leaped back, yelping, a few feet before coming back for another one.  The other guy "Ed" not only takes a shot in the arm like Cledus, but ups the ante by saying that "The ass is the best place to get it!" [indeed...].  It must be, because each of them 'turned the other cheek' (so to speak) and took one in the ass.  Ed was the first to go and leaped so high that his glasses actually shot off and broke on the floor.

Did I mention that the other people in the bar were recording this and crying themselves laughing?  I'm not sure if any videos are up yet, but I'll try and link to them when they show up.

What lessons are there to be learned here?  I don't know.  What I DO know is that I won't be getting tazed anytime soon. I hate electric shocks.  Remember the suspense post where I talked about the game where 4 players hold metal grips and press a button when a light stops?  Last person to press gets shocked?  I used to lock myself in my room when my drunken roommates had that game out.  Not for me!

Other than that, I was a bit worried to see Kimmie getting practice using a taser.  She's far too violent to have that kind of proficiency with a dangerous weapon. 

I suppose the last point is that, even though they were manic and drunk, neither of these guys were willing to strip down and taze their taints.  And the gauntlet was thrown, too.  So you KNOW it had to hurt!

So yeah, don't taze me bro!

Caleb "Fox: fill in my sign-off please" Shreves


  1. "She's far too violent to have that kind of proficiency with a dangerous weapon."

    You may pay for that one.

  2. Caleb "Pikachu, thunderbolt! GO!" Shreves

  3. You know my roommate would agree that the ass is the best place to get it.....