Entry 121: Too. Many. Commercials!

I don't have TV.  I have A TV, but no cable or anything hooked in.  I'm a Netflix/Xbox man.  So I rarely get to watch any commercials.

I also listen to three comedy stations on Sirius satellite radio.  Remember that whole "satellite is commercial free!" bullshit?  Yeah, that's out the fuckin window.  There is NO avoiding commercials on Sirius comedy channels.  And, for whatever reason, most of them are for debt-reduction companies, sex toy websites, and penis enlargers.   Quite a combo, I know.

Basically they must be assuming that you're out for a massive dong to shove into your expensive fake-vagina while consolidating your credit card payments.  F'd up.

Sometimes before you can switch the channel you find yourself hypnotized by commercials.  It's weird.  One in particular always tricks me.  It starts like this:

Voice: "Let's make a deal.  I'll give you one-hundred dollars, and you give me one-thousand dollars.  Sound like a good deal? Well that's what you're doing every time you use your credit card..."  Blah blah blah.  

I hear it and yell, "NO! Your deal is STUPID!"  And then I turn the channel.

But later, I'll hear it again. "Let's make a deal.  I'll give you one-hundred dollars, and you give me one-thousand dollars..."

"NO!  I told you last time- that's STUPID! GOD!"

Later, I'll be listening to some comic who probably sucks because they play shitty comics on Sirius all the time, and it'll come on again.  And, again, I'll flip the channel.

But this time, I have a slight pause. 

Why? What? Was I considering that deal?  No.  That's dumb. $100 for $1,000.  Who'd fall for THAT!?

Lewis Black just got done.  Wonder who's going to be on ne-

"Let's make a deal.  I'll give you one-hundred dollars, and you give me one-thousand dollars..."

"GODDAMNIT NO!  Well, I mean, do I get the hundred now?  Cuz... NO. Wait.  Absolutely not."

Hmm.  Sam Kinison.  Sweet.  He's so loud.  And funny. 

Dane Cook! Wicked.  He's never on. Can't believe how many people think I remind them of Dane Cook.  Cuz he's like-

"Let's make a deal.  I'll give you one-hundred dollars, and you give me one-thousand dollars..."

"Bitch.  If you don't shut up about this deal, I'm going to come over to your house, buy you a puppy, wait three months, come back, sneak into your house in the middle of the night, and punch you in the face."

"Let's make a deal.  I'll give you one-hundred dollars, and you give me one-thousand dollars..."

"You know what? Fine.  Fine. Have your fucking $1,000.  Maybe I'll invest the hundred and make twelve-hundred and then pay you off and have extra money!  Then your little story won't end so fucking well! Ha!"

It's about at this point that I realize that I have been duped by a commercial.  I would actually take her deal now.  The first time I heard it?  No way.  But now she's got me convinced.  She can have my money.

That's the power of commercials.  Thank God I don't have TV!

Now I'm off to buy some lube and some pills.  They have to work, right?

Caleb "Raw Dog channel 104 Sirius-XM satellite radio" Shreves

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