Monday, January 3, 2011

Entry 120: Interview With OMGHOT Elizabeth Hurley

Here's another completely fictitious interview between me and (OMG hot) Elizabeth Hurley:

EH: "Well hello there Caleb, it's nice to finally meet you."

Me: "Shamanananamama...."

EH: "Caleb? Are you allright?"

Me: "  ::sings muppet song::  You ever seen that skit?  Mahna-mahna? It's, uh, good.  Right.  You're pretty."

EH: "Why thank yo-"

"No stop!  I wasn't finished.  You're pretty... good at bowling.  I hear. Yeah, that was my sentence.  (Calm down Caleb, calm down...)"

EH: "Um... well, I wouldn't say that. Actually not much of a bowler."

Me:  ::Loud fake laugh:: "Hahaha! What a wit.  Anyway, let's get down to it.  I mean, the interview.  Right.  So, uh, how come you haven't made Bedazzled 2?"

EH: "Like that one did you?  It was a very fun movie to work on and Brendan Frasier was simply hilarious to work with."

Me: "Yeah, he's great. (Whatever).  So do you still have the skanky outfits you wore in that movie?"

EH: "Not likely!  They stayed with the props designers, I'm sure... plus, not like I could wear those anymore!"

Me: "What?  Um, yes you could.  Should.  Like, go get them. Right now."

EH: "I'm not sure that your idea is even possible, let alone something I would actually do."

Me: "Do you also enjoy telling small children there's no Santa? Because that's pretty much what you just did to me."

EH: "Are you guilt tripping a 45 year old woman into wearing skimpy clothes for your amusement?"

Me: "Uh... when you put it that way... Good point.  I need to find something more effective.  How about a bribe?"

EH: "And what exactly would you bribe me with?"

Me: ::looks around, checks pockets, scratches head:: "Well, I could uh.  Er.  Hold on." ::grabs cellphone from pocket, presses numbers:: "Hello? Dad?  Me.  I need to borrow a billion dollars or so.  What? You don't?  Shit.  Never mind."  ::hangs up:: "Anyway, scratch that.  How about a new topic?"

EH: "You're not quite normal, are you?"

Me: "Speaking of, didn't you date Hugh Grant?"

EH: "Yes, we dated for a few years during the '90s."

Me: "Seriously?"

EH: "Yes."

Me: "Why?"

EH: "Well, Hugh is a very charming and successful man.  He's quite-"

Me: "No, why?  How could you ever have a conversation with him? Have you heard that annoying stutter?  Seriously.   I lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu, no, I mean, I lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-ve you.  Right.  Righto.  Right.  Crickey. Mate. If I dated him I'd probably punch a kitten and then jump off a bridge."

"We're not dating anymore, you know."

Me: "I know right?  Sweet.  Well, you're married, which sucks, but still.  At least it's not Hugh Grant."

EH: "Well, about that..."

Me: "Oh yeah... didn't you get busted banging a hockey player or something? (Oh shit.  Caleb! What'd you just say!)

EH: "I'm not going to be divulging details of my private life.  Do you have any other interview questions?"

Me: "I'm... yeah.  Shit.  Can I just kiss your shoulder or something? Once?"

EH: "I'm leaving. You are terrible at this.  You know that, right?"

"How about the elbow? Elizabeth?  Elizabeth!  I love you I love you iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou!!!!"  ::sigh:: "Well..."  ::unzips pants::

Caleb Shreves: known for his classy professionalism. 

Hapy nuw yeer! I rezolved too not spel so good.  Cee? 



  1. I for one would pay to watch you interview celebrities - although I guess you'd only be getting the ones who didn't know what was in store for them! And maybe Halle Berry - she was a good sport with that whole Catwoman thing.

  2. Ugh!! Why can't I post a comment from my crackberry???

    Anywho, you are NUTS but I would get a kick out of watching you do interviews. Two catches though - 1) you would have to accept subscriber requests and 2) must consider b, c and F list celebs. LOL!

  3. Yes and yes. I think my dream interview would be Will Ferrell, but Halle Berry would be real, real nice.

    Do you think anyone would get suspicious if I only interviewed hot chicks?

  4. Pfft. Elizabeth Hurley. What a pig.

    (You know she's divorcing, right?)

  5. The Becky does not disparage Elizabeth!!

    Yeah, I heard that. Sadly, she cited "unreasonable behavior" as a reason for the divorce. I'm pretty sure that "unreasonable behavior" is a euphemism for "my life" so I'm not sure things would work out between us.

    Oh well. There's still roofies, right?