EH: "Well hello there Caleb, it's nice to finally meet you."
EH: "Caleb? Are you allright?"
Me: "Shamanana...er...manamana. ::sings muppet song:: You ever seen that skit? Mahna-mahna? It's, uh, good. Right. You're pretty."
EH: "Why thank yo-"
Me: "No stop! I wasn't finished. You're pretty... good at bowling. I hear. Yeah, that was my sentence. (Calm down Caleb, calm down...)"
EH: "Um... well, I wouldn't say that. Actually not much of a bowler."
Me: ::Loud fake laugh:: "Hahaha! What a wit. Anyway, let's get down to it. I mean, the interview. Right. So, uh, how come you haven't made Bedazzled 2?"
EH: "Like that one did you? It was a very fun movie to work on and Brendan Frasier was simply hilarious to work with."
Me: "Yeah, he's great. (Whatever). So do you still have the skanky outfits you wore in that movie?"
EH: "Not likely! They stayed with the props designers, I'm sure... plus, not like I could wear those anymore!"
Me: "What? Um, yes you could. Should. Like, go get them. Right now."
EH: "I'm not sure that your idea is even possible, let alone something I would actually do."
Me: "Do you also enjoy telling small children there's no Santa? Because that's pretty much what you just did to me."
EH: "Are you guilt tripping a 45 year old woman into wearing skimpy clothes for your amusement?"
Me: "Uh... when you put it that way... Good point. I need to find something more effective. How about a bribe?"
EH: "And what exactly would you bribe me with?"
Me: ::looks around, checks pockets, scratches head:: "Well, I could uh. Er. Hold on." ::grabs cellphone from pocket, presses numbers:: "Hello? Dad? Me. I need to borrow a billion dollars or so. What? You don't? Shit. Never mind." ::hangs up:: "Anyway, scratch that. How about a new topic?"
EH: "You're not quite normal, are you?"
Me: "Speaking of, didn't you date Hugh Grant?"
EH: "Yes, we dated for a few years during the '90s."
EH: "Well, Hugh is a very charming and successful man. He's quite-"
Me: "No, why? How could you ever have a conversation with him? Have you heard that annoying stutter? Seriously. I lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu, no, I mean, I lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-ve you. Right. Righto. Right. Crickey. Mate. If I dated him I'd probably punch a kitten and then jump off a bridge."
EH: "We're not dating anymore, you know."
Me: "I know right? Sweet. Well, you're married, which sucks, but still. At least it's not Hugh Grant."
EH: "Well, about that..."
Me: "Oh yeah... didn't you get busted banging a hockey player or something? (Oh shit. Caleb! What'd you just say!)
EH: "I'm not going to be divulging details of my private life. Do you have any other interview questions?"
Me: "I'm... yeah. Shit. Can I just kiss your shoulder or something? Once?"
EH: "I'm leaving. You are terrible at this. You know that, right?"
Me: "How about the elbow? Elizabeth? Elizabeth! I love you I love you iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou!!!!" ::sigh:: "Well..." ::unzips pants::
Caleb Shreves: known for his classy professionalism.
Hapy nuw yeer! I rezolved too not spel so good. Cee?