Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Entry 41: Dear Caleb, Girl A Or Girl B?

Dear Caleb,

Long time reader, first time writer. I have a difficult situation, and I was hoping you could shed some light.  I live in a very small community, with very limited female prospects. My choices are: 

Girl A, who is highly attractive, but has a child and is looking to settle down, fill out the family, and other such nuclear attributes, and,

Girl B, who is at least a three-beer woman, meaning that it takes a minimum of three beers before she is anything but fugly. However, she is more willing for various sexcapes, but warns me of impending feelings of responsibility soon.

So the question is, do I have a drunken good short time with Girl B, forsaking all hope of Girl A, or do I go for the hot piece of arm candy? There are no other options for women-folk at this time, not until the next class graduates high school.


Befuddled in BFE 

Dear Befuddled,

First, let's approach this analytically and lay down some assumptions:

1. Areas with low-babe concentrations are not okay, and you will be moving (sooner the better)
2. You are hence a short-timer in the area
3. You are not particularly looking to start a family and stay in no-babe land
5. (4, if you're counting) Small community = high chance of them knowing each other and/or knowing about you trying to game both of them (which would obviously be the first course of action)
11. Limited prospects means you probably haven't had many chicks in that area, so you're probably close to desperate

Now let's take a look at your proposed 2 options:

Girl A

1. Hot, which is good.
2. Has a kid.  This can be an "in" for you, but also could complicate matters if you get sucked into the relationship zone.  (I'm picturing you in the desert, living in a hut, planting seeds in your overalls, with a whole passel of kids running around.  All named Daryl.)
3. She is settled and looking to get settled-er.  Again, if you don't want to marry this girl, etc., then you need to be careful to be honest while still hinting at the possibility of a relationship.

Girl B

1. Fugly.  Not good, nearly an automatic disqualification.
2. More likely for sexcapades.  Good, but again- Fugly.
3. "Warns of impending responsibility"  does NOT sound good.  Again, Fugly

Looking at it this way, the choice is clear.  Right?  Girl A. 

Now just to determine how to go about it without entangling yourself in some shenanigans.  You know she's probably bored in that small town anyway, so play up the "let's have fun and make the best of this situation... naked" angle and seem like a nice guy who isn't for relationships necessarily, but not against them either (which is probably true, right?).   

The worst you can do with Girl A is attempt to woo a hottie and fail- and that's something that could happen to anyone, anywhere, anytime.  If, however, you go hoggin' with B then you've just given up, admitted defeat, and resigned yourself to a crappy situation.  Keep your chin up, soldier!  Plus, chasing Girl A for a while would probably be both entertaining and distract you until high school graduation.

So set a goal: escape your town and hookup with Girl A in the meantime.  Then when you finally get your escape you're not abandoning the blossoming relationship with Girl A- you're merely following the circumstances of life which happened to take you away from her.  It hurts you just as much as it hurts her (chicks loving hearing that shit).

Best of luck, keep me posted, and send pics!

- "Better to have aimed high and missed the mark, then to have aimed low and hit."  -Caleb's bastardized version of someone's famous quote


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