Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Entry 34: Caleb's Questionable Vision and Shameless Womanizing Saves A Cripple's Day

What can I say, I've been feeling froggy lately.

Here's the scene. I'm walking up a few flights of stairs to get to my office when I think I spy a Milfzilla through a glass door. Behind her is a young lass in a motorized wheelchair. Smelling opportunity, I divert from my intended destination to go on the hunt.

Fumbling for spare change in my pocket so I can pretend to buy something from the vending machine, I get in close and realize that my judgment was off. Instead of the hot older blond with big cannons I was hoping for I'm looking at Grandma Wrinkles. Disappointed but unfazed, I gaze vapidly into the vending machine and then turn to leave. But before I do I hear Gram-Gram and Wheelie discussing how they are going to get upstairs with the elevator broken. Ignoring my own "I do what I want" inclination I leap into action and save the day. "I got it!" I exclaim with great-yet-unwarranted confidence.

The elevator is very complicated to operate and requires that certain doors be all the way closed, certain inner doors be partway open, and the up-and-down buttons only work when you can't actually see where the elevator is at in relation to the floor. Yeah, sounds like a government project, I know. So as I am calibrating this door-of-destruction to get it to where Wheelie can roll on in, I hear her talking about being late for some really important meeting and just wanting to give up and try limping up the stairs. I tell her:

"No way. This elevator is designed for you and it's GOING to work. You will be at your meeting in time and you will NOT hobble painfully up three flights of stairs because of a crappy government elevator door. If I have to call the Firechief himself to come get this damn elevator right that's what I will do. This is too good of a country for us to give up now. We're doin' it!!"

I know, I inspire myself too.

We got Wheels and Gram on the elevator and on their way without any extra help, but I realized that if I hadn't been shamelessly chasing tail or if my vision was at all decent that the poor girl might have missed some important meeting. Maybe ruin her life, too.

And some people don't think God has a plan.

PS In case you were wondering, yes- 'judgment' is the correct spelling.


  1. ah, so proud of you. You're an angel Caleb.

  2. Right? Like... an accidental angel. Or something.

  3. Sshhh... [presses finger to lips]

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