It's 7:30 in the morning on Saturday. What am I doing up?
Would it help to know that I went to bed sober last night by 10? No- even more confusing?
What if I told you I'm about to go jog, shower, and put on some nice clothes. Going somewhere? Nope.
Locking my doors, turning the cell phone off.
Anyone got it yet?
Yup- taking practice LSAT tests. I will shave, put on dress clothes, grab my #2 (pre-sharpened) pencils, my new analog watch (no digital allowed) and will master this test today.
I hope.
Regardless, I want there to be some actual proof that I at least in some small way took this thing half-seriously. Wow, that sentence was filled with qualifications!
So yeah, that's what I'll be doing. Then, I'll be watching the Championship-bound Iowa Hawkeyes beat up some other team. Can't think of who right now.
Later!
Caleb "I respect this test" Shreves
PS Krust and I have sort of given up raising the $600 to jump on the 22nd, so no big deal about donating to our cause. And for those of you (1) who actually didn't have a credit card... really? How have you made it this far? :)
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Saturday, September 11, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
Entry 87: Gangsters
Citizens-
I'm out last night with The Johann. Also, with a friend of his, "Gonzo." A few giant beers (always a good idea) at a Mexican restaurant and then we're off to our local douche/cougar den.
I'll keep this brief. Johann is accidentally bumped by a linebacker from the Green Bay Packers (and if he's not, he should be) and spills his beer. No big deal. Gonzo is mostly drunk and has this half-smile/half "we doin' this?" look on his face. He's trying to get the attention of Gigantor to- presumably- demand an apology and/or start a fight. Johann is pleading with him that this is unnecessary and that it was an accident (not to mention that this would not be a good idea anyway.)
I, of course, am bored so I'm actually encouraging Gonzo a little bit. At this point I'm thinking maybe it's Hispanic honor or something like that. But no worries- this guy walks off not to be seen from again before any trouble starts.
Fast forward. Enter into the bar 4 old Japanese guys in matching blue suits. Gonzo wants to meet/talk with them. Okay. He introduces himself, then clams up. WTH? I'm left to carry the conversation, which I do (surprised?).
Later. Gonzo, drunk. Japanese guys, gone. Gonzo claims he had to chase them out. How? By telling them that they shouldn't mess with him, Johann, or me. Repeatedly. "Yeah, but... were they talking about messing with us? Thinking of it? Starting it?" Response: "No, but they needed to know."
I can see why he and Johann get along.
Gonzo is missing for a while. Then he comes back. With his two friends. Who? Two giant, stone-sober, rough and serious looking dudes that cautiously meet Johann and I, look around, and ask "We cool?" A lot.
Yes. Gonzo brought in gangster reinforcements in case the 4 old Japanese men came back to start something.
I know, right?
Also, Johann accused Gonzo of being in the Taliban.
Believe it or not, I'm the normal one around here!
Caleb "Not in the Taliban" Shreves
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I'm out last night with The Johann. Also, with a friend of his, "Gonzo." A few giant beers (always a good idea) at a Mexican restaurant and then we're off to our local douche/cougar den.
I'll keep this brief. Johann is accidentally bumped by a linebacker from the Green Bay Packers (and if he's not, he should be) and spills his beer. No big deal. Gonzo is mostly drunk and has this half-smile/half "we doin' this?" look on his face. He's trying to get the attention of Gigantor to- presumably- demand an apology and/or start a fight. Johann is pleading with him that this is unnecessary and that it was an accident (not to mention that this would not be a good idea anyway.)
I, of course, am bored so I'm actually encouraging Gonzo a little bit. At this point I'm thinking maybe it's Hispanic honor or something like that. But no worries- this guy walks off not to be seen from again before any trouble starts.
Fast forward. Enter into the bar 4 old Japanese guys in matching blue suits. Gonzo wants to meet/talk with them. Okay. He introduces himself, then clams up. WTH? I'm left to carry the conversation, which I do (surprised?).
Later. Gonzo, drunk. Japanese guys, gone. Gonzo claims he had to chase them out. How? By telling them that they shouldn't mess with him, Johann, or me. Repeatedly. "Yeah, but... were they talking about messing with us? Thinking of it? Starting it?" Response: "No, but they needed to know."
I can see why he and Johann get along.
Gonzo is missing for a while. Then he comes back. With his two friends. Who? Two giant, stone-sober, rough and serious looking dudes that cautiously meet Johann and I, look around, and ask "We cool?" A lot.
Yes. Gonzo brought in gangster reinforcements in case the 4 old Japanese men came back to start something.
I know, right?
Also, Johann accused Gonzo of being in the Taliban.
Believe it or not, I'm the normal one around here!
Caleb "Not in the Taliban" Shreves
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Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Entry 86: Name That Movie!
Movie-watchers,
As the title says:
1. "Barfin? Where do I keep getting Munson from?"
2. "Yer brain has the... shell on it."
3. "Go ahead and have a big ol' time. Some of us, have a gunfight tomorrow."
4. " I'm going to fill a pillowcase with bars of soap, and beat the shit outta you!"
5. " Is this some kind of radical new therapy?"
6. "Try this, Harry! It feels like you're moving at an incredible rate of speed!"
7. " Noone makes me bleed my own blood."
8. "Top score... is that good? Is it? Is that a good score? Where you goin?"
9. "I believe Diversity was an old, old wooden ship, used during the Civil War."
10. "Or a janitor, if you want to be a dick about it."
If anyone can get all 10 I'll find them some erotic sex action on Craigslist and... oh wait. Nevermind. I guess I'll just be proud.
Add some of your own! I bet I know 'em.
Bring it!
Caleb "'I'll decide what's funny here" Shreves
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As the title says:
1. "Barfin? Where do I keep getting Munson from?"
2. "Yer brain has the... shell on it."
3. "Go ahead and have a big ol' time. Some of us, have a gunfight tomorrow."
4. " I'm going to fill a pillowcase with bars of soap, and beat the shit outta you!"
5. " Is this some kind of radical new therapy?"
6. "Try this, Harry! It feels like you're moving at an incredible rate of speed!"
7. " Noone makes me bleed my own blood."
8. "Top score... is that good? Is it? Is that a good score? Where you goin?"
9. "I believe Diversity was an old, old wooden ship, used during the Civil War."
10. "Or a janitor, if you want to be a dick about it."
If anyone can get all 10 I'll find them some erotic sex action on Craigslist and... oh wait. Nevermind. I guess I'll just be proud.
Add some of your own! I bet I know 'em.
Bring it!
Caleb "'I'll decide what's funny here" Shreves
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Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Entry 85: Odds And Ends
Peeps,
I thought today I would provide updates that maybe you've been missing out on:
1. Somali Pirates: Recently an Indian warship thwarted an attempted hijacking with some commando action. They disarmed the pirates, took their stuff, and- in Russian style- left them afloat without fuel. This appears to be a credible danger for pirates nowadays. Chinese bad-asses also repelled some attacks using machine guns and stun grenades. Sucks to be a pirate.
2. LSAT: This Saturday I took a full-on, 4 hour practice test in simulated test conditions. No drinking, eating, etc. and no breaks between sections. Grueling, but I got a 169 which is an improvement. I don't know what's harder- the test or not getting hammered on Fridays.
3. My Cat: Ella (aka 'Wormy') was shaved a month or so ago to remove some fur matting. The vet said she was too fat to clean herself properly (I dated a girl like that?) and told me to put her on a diet. It's working and she's looking pretty slim. I even saw her run one day last week.
4. Cougar-hunting: Double epic-fail in this regard. One, I was out with The Johann and he asked for assistance in procuring a couple of cougars near us. And these were not 'maybe' cougars- definitely 50+, though still slightly good looking. I get us 'in' with them, we're laughing and having a good time, and when I come back from a smoke I'm informed that we (Johann and I) are no longer allowed to buy drinks. Huh? No explanation, nothing. So I bid folks good day and we head up to some other bar. The next day I happen to be at that bar again and ask my friend what the deal was. She says that those 2 cougars complained to the bartender that Johann or I or both were hanging on them, not leaving them alone. Since the owner was in the bar, and they're friends, we were cut off. Important side-note: these ladies were literally hanging on our chairs, buying us drinks, and even at one point sitting on our laps. I know that watching the last vestiges of your youth and beauty fade into the sunset must be depressing, but the lengths that some women go to to maintain their sense of desirability still astounds me.
5. My lawn chairs: Destroyed by Cledus and PBR driving a stolen golf car through my hard. They also rammed the cart into my house repeatedly.
6. The Hometown: Had a successful labor day celebration, great fireworks, and the band continued playing on (outside) despite a tornado siren going off.
7. New Stuff: Peter Hamilton is a great space-fantasy writer who I started reading last year. His Void Trilogy is really good stuff and the final book came out this past week. Highly recommended!
8. Random Ridiculous Behaviors: I left Krust a message containing nothing but me making Canada Goose honking noises for over a minute.
9. Notoriety: Due to the enormous success of my National Anthem recording I was asked to sing live for the start of the Labor Day race. Great success.
If you wanted a full-10 things on this list, tough! Get over it.
Caleb "I want new lawn chairs" Shreves Tweet
I thought today I would provide updates that maybe you've been missing out on:
1. Somali Pirates: Recently an Indian warship thwarted an attempted hijacking with some commando action. They disarmed the pirates, took their stuff, and- in Russian style- left them afloat without fuel. This appears to be a credible danger for pirates nowadays. Chinese bad-asses also repelled some attacks using machine guns and stun grenades. Sucks to be a pirate.
2. LSAT: This Saturday I took a full-on, 4 hour practice test in simulated test conditions. No drinking, eating, etc. and no breaks between sections. Grueling, but I got a 169 which is an improvement. I don't know what's harder- the test or not getting hammered on Fridays.
3. My Cat: Ella (aka 'Wormy') was shaved a month or so ago to remove some fur matting. The vet said she was too fat to clean herself properly (I dated a girl like that?) and told me to put her on a diet. It's working and she's looking pretty slim. I even saw her run one day last week.
4. Cougar-hunting: Double epic-fail in this regard. One, I was out with The Johann and he asked for assistance in procuring a couple of cougars near us. And these were not 'maybe' cougars- definitely 50+, though still slightly good looking. I get us 'in' with them, we're laughing and having a good time, and when I come back from a smoke I'm informed that we (Johann and I) are no longer allowed to buy drinks. Huh? No explanation, nothing. So I bid folks good day and we head up to some other bar. The next day I happen to be at that bar again and ask my friend what the deal was. She says that those 2 cougars complained to the bartender that Johann or I or both were hanging on them, not leaving them alone. Since the owner was in the bar, and they're friends, we were cut off. Important side-note: these ladies were literally hanging on our chairs, buying us drinks, and even at one point sitting on our laps. I know that watching the last vestiges of your youth and beauty fade into the sunset must be depressing, but the lengths that some women go to to maintain their sense of desirability still astounds me.
5. My lawn chairs: Destroyed by Cledus and PBR driving a stolen golf car through my hard. They also rammed the cart into my house repeatedly.
6. The Hometown: Had a successful labor day celebration, great fireworks, and the band continued playing on (outside) despite a tornado siren going off.
7. New Stuff: Peter Hamilton is a great space-fantasy writer who I started reading last year. His Void Trilogy is really good stuff and the final book came out this past week. Highly recommended!
8. Random Ridiculous Behaviors: I left Krust a message containing nothing but me making Canada Goose honking noises for over a minute.
9. Notoriety: Due to the enormous success of my National Anthem recording I was asked to sing live for the start of the Labor Day race. Great success.
If you wanted a full-10 things on this list, tough! Get over it.
Caleb "I want new lawn chairs" Shreves Tweet
Friday, September 3, 2010
Entry 84: Conquering Indecision
Deciders,
Being decisive is one of the hardest things to be in life. Every day we are faced with a multitude of choices to make, big and small. Many of you, I know, find yourself paralyzed with indecision on a daily basis. From making career or relationship moves to deciding where to eat dinner, the "tyranny of choice" has too many of us in thrall.
I have a way out for you! (ps this blog automatically italicized this. Is it growing an awareness? Weird.)
For most of us the problem with making decisions comes down to the pressure of making a "right" decision and avoiding the consequences of making a "wrong" decision. We require absolute surety (or close to) before we can proceed confidently down any decision path, and even then we can't help but wonder what was behind door #2.
Just go ahead and try to be decisive. Try it. Give up yet? Yeah, it's not easy. But I have an exercise that can help you.
Instead of viewing a decision as one part, let's divide it in two. On the one side we'll put 'the ability to make a decision quickly' and on the other we'll put 'the quality of the decision'. This gives us:
Fast Good
Slow Bad
Breaking it up this way we can see that you have 4 outcomes:
1. A fast decision that is good
2. A fast decision that is bad
3. A slow decision that is good
4. A slow decision that is bad
Right?
My radical proposal to you is this: let go of the good/bad side for a while! Seriously, let it go. Don't go out of your way to make bad decision, but actively try to detach yourself from the outcomes of each decision you make.
Instead, focus on making a fast decision. Decide in your mind instantly what you are going to do, and then stick with the outcome no matter what. Chase the rabbit all the way down the hole and never surrender unless you are absolutely required to do so. Even if it is a terrible decision that you just can't make work, then you'll know, right?!
I promise you that you will be liberated if you take this approach. The eventual goal, of course, is to make good decisions as quickly as possible. But for most of us the hangup isn't on the quality of our decisions (which studies show rarely improve through more time, attention, and thought) but rather the speed of our decision making.
Try it. For dinner tonight. Let me know how it works!
Preemptive: you're welcome!
Caleb "the decider" Shreves Tweet
Being decisive is one of the hardest things to be in life. Every day we are faced with a multitude of choices to make, big and small. Many of you, I know, find yourself paralyzed with indecision on a daily basis. From making career or relationship moves to deciding where to eat dinner, the "tyranny of choice" has too many of us in thrall.
I have a way out for you! (ps this blog automatically italicized this. Is it growing an awareness? Weird.)
For most of us the problem with making decisions comes down to the pressure of making a "right" decision and avoiding the consequences of making a "wrong" decision. We require absolute surety (or close to) before we can proceed confidently down any decision path, and even then we can't help but wonder what was behind door #2.
Just go ahead and try to be decisive. Try it. Give up yet? Yeah, it's not easy. But I have an exercise that can help you.
Instead of viewing a decision as one part, let's divide it in two. On the one side we'll put 'the ability to make a decision quickly' and on the other we'll put 'the quality of the decision'. This gives us:
Fast Good
Slow Bad
Breaking it up this way we can see that you have 4 outcomes:
1. A fast decision that is good
2. A fast decision that is bad
3. A slow decision that is good
4. A slow decision that is bad
Right?
My radical proposal to you is this: let go of the good/bad side for a while! Seriously, let it go. Don't go out of your way to make bad decision, but actively try to detach yourself from the outcomes of each decision you make.
Instead, focus on making a fast decision. Decide in your mind instantly what you are going to do, and then stick with the outcome no matter what. Chase the rabbit all the way down the hole and never surrender unless you are absolutely required to do so. Even if it is a terrible decision that you just can't make work, then you'll know, right?!
I promise you that you will be liberated if you take this approach. The eventual goal, of course, is to make good decisions as quickly as possible. But for most of us the hangup isn't on the quality of our decisions (which studies show rarely improve through more time, attention, and thought) but rather the speed of our decision making.
Try it. For dinner tonight. Let me know how it works!
Preemptive: you're welcome!
Caleb "the decider" Shreves Tweet
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Entry 83: I Doubt It!
So-called readers,
I think all of this LSAT studying is messing with my brain.
How?
I think I'm starting to pick apart everything I hear or see. This isn't new for me- I have that type of personality to begin with (ask my exes), but I've just been noticing that I can't turn it off!
The other day I hear on the radio some nutjub has created a new branch of the "I think all TV and videogames are bad for kids and I need to get laid" club. Or whatever it's called. And in her brief comments she states how "studies show that children who watch violent movies and play violent video games tend to be more violent."
Not only do I, as a gamer, disagree immediately (and just want to donkey punch her f*cking THROAT!!! Wait, sorry, getting violent.) but I hear this argument and immediately think, "this lady is assuming her conclusion based on causation, where only a correlation is present."
Huh? Then I think, "If more red cars than other color cars are involved in accidents or pulled over and ticketed, and I drive a red car, am I a more reckless driver? If so, did the car cause that or was I drawn to a red car because of my pre-existing reckless tendencies? What exactly is 'red'? Shades of red? If a color is close to red are you a little more reckless?"
I've got to get this test over with.
Then this morning I hear that lame commercial about how 1 out of 8 Americans are struggling with hunger. They have different voices come on and say things like:
"I was working the cash register today when you bought groceries"
"I chatted with you on the elevator at work."
"Our kids ride the bus together."
Wait, what? How can you have a job and be hungry? Dubs at McDonalds are ONE DOLLAR. Read again: ONE DOLLAR. Sounds like someone needs to cut their crack and cable bill.
And what's this 1 in 8 number? How does that work? Does Paris Hilton and the rest of the anorexic gang count for more than their fair share? I don't know how this works.
I do know, however, that double cheeseburgers are delicious.
That's all.
Caleb "I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY, FOX!" Shreves Tweet
I think all of this LSAT studying is messing with my brain.
How?
I think I'm starting to pick apart everything I hear or see. This isn't new for me- I have that type of personality to begin with (ask my exes), but I've just been noticing that I can't turn it off!
The other day I hear on the radio some nutjub has created a new branch of the "I think all TV and videogames are bad for kids and I need to get laid" club. Or whatever it's called. And in her brief comments she states how "studies show that children who watch violent movies and play violent video games tend to be more violent."
Not only do I, as a gamer, disagree immediately (and just want to donkey punch her f*cking THROAT!!! Wait, sorry, getting violent.) but I hear this argument and immediately think, "this lady is assuming her conclusion based on causation, where only a correlation is present."
Huh? Then I think, "If more red cars than other color cars are involved in accidents or pulled over and ticketed, and I drive a red car, am I a more reckless driver? If so, did the car cause that or was I drawn to a red car because of my pre-existing reckless tendencies? What exactly is 'red'? Shades of red? If a color is close to red are you a little more reckless?"
I've got to get this test over with.
Then this morning I hear that lame commercial about how 1 out of 8 Americans are struggling with hunger. They have different voices come on and say things like:
"I was working the cash register today when you bought groceries"
"I chatted with you on the elevator at work."
"Our kids ride the bus together."
Wait, what? How can you have a job and be hungry? Dubs at McDonalds are ONE DOLLAR. Read again: ONE DOLLAR. Sounds like someone needs to cut their crack and cable bill.
And what's this 1 in 8 number? How does that work? Does Paris Hilton and the rest of the anorexic gang count for more than their fair share? I don't know how this works.
I do know, however, that double cheeseburgers are delicious.
That's all.
Caleb "I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY, FOX!" Shreves Tweet
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Entry 82: F*ck This Damn LSAT
Test-takers,
This LSAT shenanigannery is getting tough. My goal of a 180 is most likely nearly impossible. I'm altering my reasonable expectations for the test to around a 172. That's a great score, and is still going to be nearly impossible to achieve.
Instead of daily focus and practice (as recommended by LSAT test masters) for 7+ months, I've mostly just drank a little less and taken half-practice tests while hungover. I have yet to take a full test under test conditions (no breaks, no food/drink, Nazi-style restrictions on what you can bring, etc.) but I have seen my score climb up a few points each test. 161, 163, 165, 167. I don't feel like I'm actually getting any better at it, just more lucky. Nothing wrong with Luck, right? (no smart comments from you, Staycee)
Today I literally cursed out a textbook. I took a practice section (logical reasoning) and got to a question that was super lame. In fact, next to it I penciled in "BIGGEST BS E.V.E.R." I'm not kidding, either.
$10 to the person who can give the right answer and explain clearly why it is the right answer:
Certain instruments used in veterinary surgery can be made either of stainless steel or of nylon. In a study of such instruments, 50 complete sterilizations of a set of nylon instruments required 3.4 times the amount of energy used to manufacture that set of instruments, whereas 50 complete sterilizations of a set of stainless steel instruments required 2.1 times the amount of energy required to manufacture that set of instruments.
If the statements above are true, each of the following could be true EXCEPT:
(A) The 50 complete sterilizations of the nylon instruments used more energy than did the 50 complete sterilizations of the stainless steel instruments.
(B) More energy was required for each complete sterilization of the nylon instruments than was required to manufacture the nylon instruments.
(C) More nylon instruments than stainless steel instruments were sterilized in the study.
(D) More energy was used to produce the stainless steel instruments than was used to produce nylon instruments.
(E) The total cost of 50 complete sterilizations of the stainless steel instruments was greater than the cost of manufacturing the stainless steel instruments.
Biggest. BS. Ever.
Caleb Tweet
This LSAT shenanigannery is getting tough. My goal of a 180 is most likely nearly impossible. I'm altering my reasonable expectations for the test to around a 172. That's a great score, and is still going to be nearly impossible to achieve.
Instead of daily focus and practice (as recommended by LSAT test masters) for 7+ months, I've mostly just drank a little less and taken half-practice tests while hungover. I have yet to take a full test under test conditions (no breaks, no food/drink, Nazi-style restrictions on what you can bring, etc.) but I have seen my score climb up a few points each test. 161, 163, 165, 167. I don't feel like I'm actually getting any better at it, just more lucky. Nothing wrong with Luck, right? (no smart comments from you, Staycee)
Today I literally cursed out a textbook. I took a practice section (logical reasoning) and got to a question that was super lame. In fact, next to it I penciled in "BIGGEST BS E.V.E.R." I'm not kidding, either.
$10 to the person who can give the right answer and explain clearly why it is the right answer:
Certain instruments used in veterinary surgery can be made either of stainless steel or of nylon. In a study of such instruments, 50 complete sterilizations of a set of nylon instruments required 3.4 times the amount of energy used to manufacture that set of instruments, whereas 50 complete sterilizations of a set of stainless steel instruments required 2.1 times the amount of energy required to manufacture that set of instruments.
If the statements above are true, each of the following could be true EXCEPT:
(A) The 50 complete sterilizations of the nylon instruments used more energy than did the 50 complete sterilizations of the stainless steel instruments.
(B) More energy was required for each complete sterilization of the nylon instruments than was required to manufacture the nylon instruments.
(C) More nylon instruments than stainless steel instruments were sterilized in the study.
(D) More energy was used to produce the stainless steel instruments than was used to produce nylon instruments.
(E) The total cost of 50 complete sterilizations of the stainless steel instruments was greater than the cost of manufacturing the stainless steel instruments.
Biggest. BS. Ever.
Caleb Tweet
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