If I asked you if it is okay to be in a relationship that you don't see
going very long term, knowing that you would like something better but
still enjoying what you had, would you say that is okay or not?
Probably not, right? (I know some of you evil women out there would say
"sure." Duly noted) But are any of us really ever in a position where
we are NOT open to something better?
Notice in the previous sentence that I said "open" rather than
"looking." If you are in a relationship that is, in your own mind, a
solid '8' on the scale; do you stay there knowing that there could
potentially be a '10' one day? If you do, are you being dishonest?
Okay, what if you were upfront and told whoever you were with how you
honestly felt and didn't lead on otherwise? Could a reasonably healthy
relationship grow under those conditions?
What if this idea of a '10' is a cultural phenomenon propagated by
movies, media, books, TV, etc, and we are helpless to fight it? We are
doomed to always consider any relationship, no matter how good, as
somehow inferior to an ideal relationship we build up in our mind. How
many romance movies and Disney stories portray completely unrealistic
and ridiculous relationship situations? I always want to see the sequel
to these Disney movies where Cinderella is marching around the castle
picking up socks and underwear from off the furniture, muttering to
herself "well this is the LAST fucking time I pick His Majesty's shit
up. That motherfucker can see what its like to do his OWN goddamn
laundry." Right? Maybe Snow White gets a divorce lawyer, a huge
settlement, and spends the rest of her afternoons showing off her new
fake cannons, drunk on white wine, at the local country club while she
has no clue where her kids are and hits on the 16 year old bus boys. I
mean, let's add a little real life to this fantasy crap.
Anyway, just wanted to throw this out there. I, sometimes cynically,
contend that all (or very near all) of us know that we are open and
possibly hoping for something better from our relationships, but just
lie to ourselves to different degrees. Or not.
If you read this and don't post any disagreement, then I'll know that
you completely agree with me. You heard me.
Only three more posts left! Thank you to everyone who has been checking in and reading my Shenay-nays, and especially to those who have offered their comments, criticism, and praise for all of this hard (yet enjoyable) work. If just one person out there does one less dumb thing in their life because of this, it was worth it.
Peace out Girl Scouts!
Um this is hilarious and so true by the way. I would say it’s ok to keep your mind open to something better…maybe that is my loose morals hard at work or I can blame Disney. That said if in the back of our head you’re still “looking” they're probably not a keeper anyway and lets face it probably thinking the same thing about you.
ReplyDeleteDammit. i typed out my disagreement after i finished the 4th line, but then deleted it as to not always be disagreeable. Then i got to your disclaimer that if we read this and didn't disagree we were presumed to agree with you. You almost got me. As a fellow law student i know how silence can be a form of admission and i dont want this to bite me in the ass later. You're wrong from the start. It is okay to date the person and thinking so doesnt make me an evil woman. I would argue its actually healthy to date people once in a while w/o the hope that it will be more... more healthy than going into every relationship with the attitude that it will be. And as a 2nd argument against its evilness i would pose this question to you: if someone was in a position where they knew they didnt want to date someone long term (ex: you know youre moving far away in XX time & arent looking to do long-distance) - should this person not be in any relationships where they could have fun for the time being? Would doing so make them evil? And as you even say you are 'still enjoying what you have' which I think it the important part.
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