Friday, May 14, 2010

Day 29: The Penultimate Post

Today we're going to put the 'ultimate' in 'penultimate', so grab your
Marlboros and hang on!

Okay, fair enough, I have no idea what that means either.

I'm going to have a final post tomorrow where I lay out the Loaded Word
List and accompanying rules of speaking-in-non-perverted-ways. I must
say that I've been very impressed with the amount of help I've been
getting with this task. As I type this, someone just texted me a new
word (discharge) to add to the list. I have a feeling that, even after
it's completed, this list will be a living document that gets added to
regularly. Like the Constitution, only more practical. Oh- and I'm accepting phrases or marketing slogans as well now
(think Subway's $5 Footlongs. Jared really dropped the ball on that

I have a new movie for you all to watch; it was so good I stole
it from Netflix. It's called "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell." Check
it out. Here's a few lines from it to whet your whistle (I've seen
people spell that 'wet' a million times; don't let it be you)

Tucker: "Are you ready? Didn't you hear me on the phone; we're going
out to get beers."

Drew: "Tucker, when you call I just wait for you to stop talking about
yourself, get bored, and hang up."

Drew: "Oh, I'm onto your game, De Nils. Diamonds are worthless other
than the value attached to them by the silly tramps you have brain
washed into thinking that diamonds equal love. Guess what, sluts? Your
quest for the perfect princess cut supports terrorism and genocide.
Congratulations, your avarice has managed to destroy an entire

There's also midget strippers and sex with a deaf girl. Speaking of stealing from Netflix, have I told you
about that? Yeah, it's great; if you really like a movie just keep it
and report it as missing. They give you a list of reasons to choose
from (never arrived, scratched disc, etc.) and just send you the next movie in your queue. I
don't think they really care that much since they probably just get a
license for a movie and make as many copies as they want. We're paying
them $15 a month anyway, so do they really miss a
couple movies here and there? It's win-win, baby! Works with Gamefly,
too. I rule.

PS Don't tell Netflix

Recently I've received a lot of great feedback from you peeps out there,
and for that I thank you- sincerely. I've also realized that people I
know, people that I'm related to, and possibly even younger people out
there might be reading this, so maybe I should tone some aspects down a
bit. You know, soften the edges.




  2. Anon: I read your link (thanks for not linking to a virus or some gay porn or something) and thank you for the curiosity and willingness to do research that you have shown. The fact remains, however, that "whet" is the appropriate spelling for "whet your appetite" if only for a purely practical reason: it's what is used most frequently. It may seem barbaric to use mob rule as a basis for correct diction and spelling, but historically we have seen that the mob has a firm grip on the reins of the language-wagon. If you (and only you) would like to use 'wet' instead of whet, I will grant you a special exception to do so. See kids; a little hard work and internet research can take you far in life!

  3. Are you paying over $5 / pack of cigs? I buy my cigs from Duty Free Depot and this saves me over 50% on cigarettes.

  4. I have just downloaded iStripper, and now I enjoy having the sexiest virtual strippers on my taskbar.