Thursday, April 15, 2010

Day 8: Questions of the Day

Perhaps it's just the persistent nasal congestion I've had for three days now, but I'm in a markedly negative mood. I don't buy into the "be positive" agenda and think that some downery is good for business. So, I will be proposing some questions that have come up recently. Feel free to add your own.

1. What is up with this frickin' nose business when you get a cold? First your nose runs all the time, then it completely backs up and causes you to choke yourself awake at 3AM or die. And no, that's not melodramatic; if your nose is totally plugged and your lips happen to close while you're sleeping, you then have no air and will die. Luckily, your body will choke you awake and make sure you breath. If it didn't, then I wouldn't be here typing this now; I'd be surrounded by 72 Virginians!

2. Why can't people spell/type/write/? I've seen emails- from really high-up people in the government- with writing so bad that I can't even make out what the person is trying to say. Literally unintelligible. As if you spilled coffee on your keyboard and only 6 letters still worked (and you sold your space bar on Ebay). And I've even seen people with doctorates- doctorates!- who don't know the difference between "no" and "know" or "to, too, and two." Omg. I'm not trying to be the grammar police, but let's have a little pride here, people. And what professors are on these doctorate review boards that say "sure, you can't write basic sentences, but yeah- we'll give you a doctorate."

3. Wasps. Why do we still put up with wasps? They are no one's friend. They have no purpose. And don't give me that "don't bother them and they won't bother you" bullshit; ask Poland how that worked out with the Nazis.

4. Who still opens actual letters? It's 2010! Does the Department of Education really expect me to open a LETTER to see that I need to re-enter my account information? Shah! As if!

5. When did stalking get such a bad rap? So you know intimate details obtained through dubious methods about a stranger's life; I thought women liked the chase! Too much attention, too little attention- make up your mind ladies!

6. It's time to add some more letters to our alphabet.

7. Why are automated customer service hot lines deliberately programmed to be annoying? "Did you say... yes?" "Yes!" "No?" "No! Er, wait, yes! Damnit!"

8. Why is Albert Pujols SO good? I would trade Derrick Lee to the Cardinals, not in return for Pujols, but just for them to sit him on the bench. He is absolutely ridiculous. He is the Anderson Silva of baseball. The Peter North of home runs.

Hopefully we'll be back on a positive note tomorrow, but if not I'm going to get myself riled up over something and go on a REAL rant.

"Don't touch it!!" -- Dragon, to Nighthawk

1 comment:

  1. Not to boast here, but in this one post I both compared Wasps to Nazis and and referred to Albert Pujols as the Peter North of home runs. Well played, me. Well played.