Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Entry 90: The Posts You Didn't See


I thought I would share with you several post ideas I've had that- fortunately- I was smart enough not to post. 

1.  Coffee fiend.

This idea involved me in a hyper-caffeinated state typing "coffee coffee coffee coffee" etc.  a million times over.  That was the whole post.  I thought about dressing it up a bit by occasionally putting the word coffee in parenthesis, or bold, or spelled backwards, or interspersing words like "good" and "me need" throughout. 

2. Song in my head

As simple as it sounds.  I get a song (actually a short, repeating phrase of a song) in my head and sometimes it lasts for days.  I thought that maybe if I type it out it would help get rid of it.  Here's a short sample of what's currently in my head: (if you know Bartok, you might know this one!)  Ba dot, da da da-da-da-da dot dada dah, da da dat-dah dat-dah dah-dee-da-da-dah.  I know, right?  I was going to do an entire song that way. 

3. TMI

I have on several occasions thought of describing in detail some sexual maneuvers I enjoy, stories even more embarrassing then the ones I already tell, and ultra-shameful tales from my youth.  Some things just don't need sharin'.

4. Inane

I have sometimes wanted to post boring crap that happens to be going on.  I have a cold today and it feels like this, I had a talk with someone yesterday that went like this, or I did this productive thing this weekend and it went like this.  Lame.  Sort of like those people that post every daily activity of their life on Facebook. "Just woke up!" "Driving to work."  "At work now."  "Getting some coffee, mmm!"  "Spilled some of my coffee.. sadface."  "Got more coffee!  Hope today gets better."  "Well, it's 5 minutes later now, day's not better."  "I want to move somewhere... who's with me?"  "Just got fired for too much Facebooking...lame!"


I've kicked around book-writing for a long time.  At one point I had an idea for a sci-fi book that I almost started writing chapters for in this blog.  But, while that's not a terrible idea, this isn't the place for that sort of idea.  This is for shenanigans. 

Last night I was drinking some Octoberfest and Red Stagg.  The bartender (Um, ultra cute butt in tiny white shorts btw) was chatting outside with me about a friend of ours, The Johann, who she knows because, well, he's The Johann.  As we're talking she says something about him not having a strong personality (if she only knew!) and I said he's great because he's one of those guys that is hilarious without ever meaning to be or knowing he is.  She says:

"Really?  That sounds cool... I wish I was that kind of person."

"You mean the kind of person who is hilarious without knowing it?"

"Yeah! That'd be fun."

"Well, maybe you already are and, of course, don't know it."

I saw the lights come on in this girl's eyes.  I seriously had just rocked her world.  She's standing there, dazed, and I say:

"Nah, don't worry.  You're not."

I don't even think she got it.

Caleb "don't start nuttin won't be nuttin" Shreves


  1. I'm thinking you should get a twitter account. Twitter could use your hilarity anyhow.

  2. I agree. Twitter essentially sucks but you would be a good addition to it. The only tweets I've done recently have been quoting random lyrics from "Misery" by Maroon 5 because I can't think of anything else.

  3. Blogging is already a stretch for me. Not sure I could bring myself to tweet.

    Yeah, probably not.

  4. Shenanigans eh?

    How have you not posted any pictures or stories concerning The Douche yet?


  5. Yes!! Please post the douchebag adventures soon!!!

    Oh, and you should probably write something about that flask you've been carrying around too.

  6. Oh they're coming. Don't fret, little ladies.

  7. I vote for #3. I know you didn't ask for said opinion. But that's how I roll.