Well, I've decided to join a fund-raiser for cancer and such. Here's the link:
If I raise $600 I get to jump out of another airplane. And I really want to. And if I raise more than that, they'll give me a parachute.
So what can I do to entice you to donate to the cause? Let's break it down:
1. Guilt. If you don't donate $15 to me, then you love cancer.
2. Shame. After all the enjoyment you've gotten from my blog, you won't reciprocate with a measly $16?
3. Begging. Come on please!? Please? I really need it- cancer really needs it- come on, be a pal!?
4. Long-winded mathematical explanations of its feasibility. Okay, $600. That's doable. If I get $17.64 from each follower I'll have hit my mark. If I get just .09 cents or so for every time you click on my blog, I'll be there by September. If one of you pledges all $600, I'll kiss you on the mouth.
5. Bribery. If you donate enough money, I'll do you a solid. Hard to say what exactly, or how much you have to donate to get it, but you know me- I'm pretty reasonable and willing to, uh, do stuff.
6. Threats. Seriously- I work with all IT nerds. If I find that you don't donate at least a small amount, I'll have them find your IP address and come to your house with a brand new beautiful kitten. Then, months later, when you're in love with your kitten, I will sneak into your house in the dead of night and punch you in the face.
7. Ask nicely. Okay, I don't even know how to begin with this one. Lame.
I suppose that's all I got really. I personally like #1 and will be using it as my campaign slogan for the next month. Let's see if we can cure cancer, save boobs, and push me out of a plane, eh?
That being said, I'm on a quest to find a greasy BLT. I've been inspired.
Caleb "doesn't love cancer" Shreves
PS I've secretly employed an 8th tactic to entice you to donate. I've turned this post into a minefield of links to the donate page, but ONE of the links is to pictures of baby kittens. You'll never find it unless you click them all! Brilliant!