Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Entry 49: Caleb Makes A Case For Humans Using Dog Medicine

First off, (firstly?), do not, I repeat: do not, drink boxed wine on Mondays.  Or any day for that matter.

I'm driving to work today, probably still drunk, singing some Hank Williams in the car at the top of my lungs, and I stop to look down at my legs.  "Am I wearing pants?" I ask myself.  Luckily, the answer today was yes. 

Farjar Binx has asked me to ruminate on the idea of humans taking medicine intended for dogs.  First, the facts:

Okay, scratch that.  I spent 5 minutes googling and couldn't find any information on what types of medicine dogs take (other than the basics) and only got results for why humans shouldn't, for the most part, give their dogs their human medicine.

So let's look at this another way.  Why would you, a human, want to take dog medicine?  If you are like me then you most likely enjoy taking medications for their "fun-ness" and not for any sort of health benefit.  ADD drugs, pain-killers, maybe a xanax now and again- these are all drugs that are taken pretty much because you feel like it, even though you often conjure in your head some "legitimate" reason you should be taking them (lies). 

Do dogs have ADD?  Well, yes, but since they all do it's not really classified as a disorder.

Do dogs feel pain?  Sure, but they aren't particular about whether they get the good stuff or not.

Do dogs have anxiety?  Probably, but hey, newsflash:  they're fucking DOGS. 

That being said, there aren't any good meds that a dog has that you want, other than if you get tapeworms (yes, humans are known to get them).   So, if you have tapeworms, can you take your dogs pills?


Cheaper, too.  (there's a racket.)

Further more, you and Fido can actually share a good deal of your medicine cabinet.  Here are some things that you use that your mangy fleabag can also use:

1. Aspirin
2. Pepto Bismol (true story)
3. Benadryl
4. Antibiotics
5. Ritalin (psych!)

No seriously- don't give your dog Ritalin.  And under no circumstances should you crush Ritalin into a fine powder and snort it before a college binge-drinking session.

Absolutely do not drink boxed wine.


So, to recap:  you can take any of your dog's medicine as long as it seems like a good idea.  Conversely, your dog will probably eat any of your medicine as long as you wrap it in a turkey gizzard first.  I dated a girl like that.

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