Those of you looking to get married; have you ever fantasized about your
dream wedding? Ever known every detail and planned it in your mind?
Have you ever actually SET a date and bought a dress?
While still single?
Well, Lisa Lineham has. She has started what she calls "Project Husband
2011" and has the wedding already set and planned out. Now on to the
easy part, right? Just gotta go find a groom quick...
For you interested fellers out there, she has created a "position
description" complete with 15 requirements and 22 paragraph-style
questions for you to ask. Here's the link:
First off, let's get it out of the way that in the majority of cases if
a date told you she already had a wedding plan, you would excuse
yourself to go to the bathroom and then sprint like Usain Bolt until
your lungs burst and you were sure that any roofies that the crazy had
put in your drink hadn't taken effect.
But let's say she was really, really hot? Let's go with 8.5 or greater.
This is where my concern for this girl comes into play. This situation
is what I would call "ripe for the picking" or "the low hanging fruit"
or "right in my wheelhouse." I mean, she's already given herself the
pressure of a timetable right?
So all you have to do is play perfect nice guy while dragging time out
until getting rid of you is unthinkable. Then, you have her by the...
er, well, you know- you have leverage. (girls don't have balls)
"I want you to give me road head, right now."
"No... I don't really want to."
"Then the wedding is OFF!"
::she thinks about it, realizes that 2-3 months is too short of time to
find a replacement groom, and complies with your wishes:: Great
Wrong to manipulate someone like this? Maybe. Shallow? Probably. But
isn't it pretty shallow to create an ACT-like test to audition for a
wedding that you- and only you- have planned already?
That's why I worry for this girl- there are too many guys out there who would do this.
Or, maybe, the guy that is shallow enough to treat her that way will
match her shallowness completely and they will find ironic and lovely
bliss together at their wedding!
Who knows. Maybe she's just optimistic and creative and realizes that
she's not going to settle just because of some arbitrary date.
But you know how stubborn women are...
Here's how to trick Caleb into this. Check it out:
You: "Wow, things are really going great with us Caleb. I love spending
time with you!"
Me: "I know, right? It's pretty super."
You: "You should like... marry me. I'll never change and I'll always do
laundry and dishes!"
Me, eyes glazing over: "Wow, really? Dishes? Okay I guess... let's do
You: "Want me to plan everything out and you just show up and drink free
Me: "Do I!?"
You: "Cool! How does (pretend to think about it) August sound?"
See? Easy. Wait- I feel like I'm giving away my hand.
I suppose, however, that as ridiculous as this plan sounds it's still better than the "I'll get pregnant and then he'll marry me" plan or the "It's been 3 months- I'm sure we should get married!" plan. Got to give her credit for that.
So to hedge my bets, I think I'll plan a wedding for December 15, 2023. I'll be 40 by then, and it should be after the Cubs win their 13th consequtive World Series Title. Any takers out there?
Caleb "not as fast as Usain Bolt" Shreves