Thursday, July 1, 2010

Entry 46: Caleb Has Hungover Adventures

Hungover and Still-Drunk.  Know the difference? 

So the crazy guy in my area, "JPac",  took it up a notch today.

How's he crazy?  Well, lots of things, but suffice it to say that he is the guy who will run out onto the driving range when you're golfing and "fetch" balls that he deems are close enough to get.  aka up to 100 feet.  He runs in circles and makes faces and noises.  40, married, kids, scary I know. 

Anywhoo, turns out that he goes to the local evangelical Mega-Church!  So, yes, of course, I am planning a trip to visit said church and see the JPac and family speaking in tongues and whatnot.

lalalalalalelelalaldlelaldlelaslsllel!!!!!   That was my speaking in tongues.

I figure I'm going to walk up to the hottest chick there, tap her on the shoulder, and say "Ma'am... I've sinned.  I've done things that make Jesus ashamed... If only I had the strength of a good woman to steer me straight, I might correct my wayward ways."

Think it'll work?  Any bets on whether or not I can pick up a crazy chick at the Mega-Church?  $20 says I do!  Oh, I'll have her speaking in tongues.  If you know what I mean.

Also today, I argued with a Jewish lady on whether or not Catholics have more guilt than Jews.  We called it a tie.  Well, technically, I said that Catholics have the edge on guilt but can just say what they did out loud and write a check and lower their guilt-quotient. 

Oh, and while walking to my lunch table (that sounds so 3rd grade) I passed a good lookin' chick with big jubblies and a pretty smile and responded to her "hello" with a perfectly gangster:

"How you doin'?"

Caleb  <------hardass

Yours truly,

Caleb "Seriously I promise tonight I won't stay out till 4AM" Shreves


  1. Can't believe I forgot this story:

    Cledus and "Wrinkles" were out with me last night (part of the reason I was up till 4AM)

    Cledus dares Wrinkles to get naked and run around the bar. He does. Then, everyone is laughing at the less than impressive length of his weiner. Offended, Wrinkles says:

    "It gets bigger!"


    Then, later, he's showing it again (to prove that it's really not that small) and is again accused of small-wienery. He says the following:

    "No- you have to count the wrinkles!"


    "Count the wrinkles" indeed!

  2. MM? Clarification please.

    Count the Wrinkles!

  3. Isn't that what Al Gore said to the massage therapist?

    Ba doomp boomp

  4. No, I heard what he said was:

    "Hi I'm Al Gore. I really believe the future of our planet is in danger due to man-made pollutants, but if we all act together we can save this beautiful planet. Now swallow this."

  5. MM=Matthew yourself used that abbreviation mere days ago. Memory like a sieve it seems...

  6. Oh yeah.

    Is it possible that alcohol affects... no, wait. Nevermind.

    Scary thoughts.

  7. PS just re-read my comment on Al Gore. I'm frickin hilarious.