Saturday, July 10, 2010

Entry 53: Caleb Meets Sis, Rides Bus

Avast ye mateys!

Against what little 'better judgment' I might have, I'm going to ride a party bus today.  'Sis' is back and safe from Iraq and has decided to celebrate by renting a bus for 8 effing hours today.  Who is Sis?

Well, the first time I met her was in a class for work.  All week long I thought she was a bitch, and I later found out that she thought I was an idiot.  I think we were both right. 

At the end of the week everyone went out for a few drinks at lunchtime.  Little did I know, Sis can put them back!  

So we drank lots at the bar we were at, then realized that it was only about 4PM and we'd inadvertently put on our drinking shoes.  We crossed the street and put down a few (several) martinis. 

Caleb: "You know, all week, I thought you were a bitch.  Turns out with a few drinks you're pretty tolerable!"
Sis: "um, you know how you thought you were funny and cracked jokes all week?  I thought you were annoying and an idiot."
Caleb: "Your face looks like a toad."

We weren't done after martinis either, and Sis convinced me to go up to a last bar for some karaoke.  Little did I know, karaoke was in this girl's (and family's) blood. 

So we sang, drank, laughed, sang, and then she spilled the bouncer's drink 5 different times.  Classy.  She played Tina Turner and sang with an old black man she called "Ike."  

At some point we decided that we should go out and yell at traffic passing by.  "Honk if you support stem cell research!" we yelled over and over again.  (don't ask- we were hammered.)

As we were getting really hammered, I pulled an ultimate Caleb stunt.  When I grabbed the microphone to sing karaoke I asked for a minute to say something and got the entire drunken crowd of 100 or so people to hush and pay attention for my serious announcement.

Caleb: "Hey everyone.  Hi.  Um, I wanted to make an announcement here today.  This girl here (Sis) is my sister.  I love her to death.  Well today she told me some big news and I wanted to tell all of you.  She is no longer hiding and living in a shameful lie, and just today told me that she is, in fact, a lesbian. This doesn't bother me at all, and I love her no matter what, but if ANY of you have a problem with my sister being a lesbian, you come talk to me now.  [turn to Sis] I so admire your bravery, Sis.  I love you even if you're a muff diver.  Cheers to Sis!"

And everyone claps and hollers and cheers. 

She told me that, for months after this incident, she would still get people coming up to her saying "don't I know you from somewhere?"


I've since learned that she and her entire network of friends and family are Karaoke NUTS and like to party like it's going out of style. 

Like, they got us kicked out of ROSS' at 3am one night.  Who gets kicked out of Ross'?  Her friend was screaming "Cook-ay Monster!"  over and over again in some sort of drunken tribute to Sesame Street. 

Well, anyway, I'm off to get on this crazy bus.  Hopefully Krust will come through as my "escape" vehicle if necessary.  8 hours is a LONG day.  On a bus. 

Oh, and I drove a brand new 2010 Dodge Challenger yesterday.  Going to test drive a 2010 Camaro today.  Am I that crazy?  We'll see.

Caleb "I might end up in jail tonight" Shreves


  1. Not ROSS like the store ROSS? Do they even have those in your neck of the woods?

  2. No- Ross' around here is a late night diner that only caters to loud obnoxious drunks at 4 am. They have a "mountain" they serve which is basically everything from their kitchen piled in a mound. Delicious.

    So yeah- to get kicked out of Ross' is like Walmart telling you your outfit is inappropriate.

  3. Did you know that Tesco here in the UK got really arsey about people wearing inappropriate clothes to their supermarkets? Well they did. Apparently PJ's aren't appropriate attire to do your food shopping in.

    Also...I love this girl already. She seems awesome. I want more tales that involve her.

    And...finally...I am starting a night rather like this in about 7 hours. Yes 7pm here in the UK...I'm starting 3 hours earlier than normal. This can't end well.

  4. FCR- how did your bus work out? You're still posting, so you must be alive.

    She is (fairly) awesome. She had a bottle of liquor in her desk drawer a couple of weeks ago.


    Also, yesterday she brought scooby snacks to the bar where her friend was playing because he "looks just like shaggy!"

    She's right, he does.