Back from Minneapolis, where I joined Nerv in a weekend of debauchery. If you have any vacations planned there in the next couple of weeks, I would bring your own booze because they just started restocking the state with alcohol today. Sorry about that. I was thirsty.
There was a lot that happened this weekend, so I'll give you a top-ten "by the numbers" version that should give you a good idea of what happened:
1. Irish Carbombs Drank: >15
2. Innings of Twins/Sox baseball watched: 17
3. Layers of harmony I sang, hungover, to make my own recording of the National Anthem: 6
4. Number of great-looking chicks in the Toby Keith bar: >50
5. Dents to Nerv's car added: 2
6. Number of times Nerv and I switched shorts at a crazy hippie-party: 2
7. Times pretended to be a guy who saw someone's ad on craigslist and texted them for a date: 1
8. Times that turned out to be hilarious: 1
9. Times tackled into a fence leading to moderately severe wounds: 1
10. Pain level from ripping off the bandage and tape from those wounds: 8
Yikes. When you look at it that way, it's almost like some of these require some explanation!
First off, Nerv makes Irish Carbombs like a champion. Instead of a half-Guinness, .75 shot of Jameson, and a half-shot of Bailey's, Nerv uses a full 15 oz. Guinness, 2-3 shots of Jameson, and a shot of Baileys. Very, very dangerous. And delicious.
Let's break down the actions of our 2 protagonists!
Sweet/Dick moves by Caleb and Nerv:
Dick move: his apartment has no fan, no air, and he turns the heat up to 140 degrees. I literally had to take a spaceship to the sun to cool off now and then.
Sweet move: during a massive hangover he got me coffee, smokes, and made scramby eggs.
Sweet move: walked 10 blocks round-trip to buy materials for lots and lots of carbombs
Dick move: made Nerv and his friend (The Nurse) leave in the 8th inning of the Twins/Sox game. It was 6-2 and there was no way I could have known that the Twins were going to stage the most epic comeback in the 9th. My bad.
Dick move: Was supposed to be DD for Toby Keith bar, instead he was so hammered he passed out in the bathroom. I drove. Quote from guy who passed him in the hallway of the bathroom: "That guy's havin' a great time!"
Sweet move: Recorded and edited me singing the national anthem in my opera voice, very hungover, in 6 part harmony. Tape forthcoming.
Sweet move: Went to a hippie party and was told to "switch pants" with Nerv. Instead of a mass-hippie beatdown, I complied amicably. Luckily I had some sweet blue underwear on
Dick move: Yelled at dozens of hippies while driving around town. "Get a job, hippie!" I'd yell to some guy on a park bench, or "Nice Prius- now you can get great mileage when you drive to I'll-never-get-a-BJ-town!" to some dude. Or litter and drop cigarette butts right next to some chick on a moped. "Earth can suck it."
The Bearded Bear:
Sweet move: Provided air conditioned shelter from the Nerv inferno and mixed some more reasonable Carbombs.
Dick move: Tackled me outside into an old rusty fence. I might need a tetanus shot. (though he did doctor me up pretty good)
I'm still missing a few stories, so I might have to follow up on this one. Also, if I can, I'll provide a link to my recording of the National Anthem. When I get it from Nerv, who is notorious for tardiness. Like, not even kidding. I'm going to make an official guess of 2 weeks, minimum. We'll see!