Friday, July 30, 2010

Entry 65: Caleb: Origins


I love the movie Tombstone.  I could quote pretty much the entire movie (as well as a million others- it's one of my skillz).   One summer when I was 12 I watched that movie every single day with my cousin, The Saw, between trips to the local pool.  He was about 17 at the time and so was the driver in our operation.  I think he drove a puke-green something-or-other that we called the snot-rocket. \

One day we were working some game at the pool and struck gold.  Two gals, 15 and 17, a blond and a brunette.  We chatted it up, flirted it up, and got their numbers before we left.  This was a first (for me, anyway).  The problem was that they lived 45 minutes away!

The Saw and I decided to make a road trip happen.  We needed funds so we collected cans, did odd jobs, and scraped money from under any couch cushions in a 50 mile radius.  We finally had enough assorted change and bills to pay for gas, a meal, and spiffy new outfits. 
The problem?

Well, again, I was 12.  I (read: The Saw) had lied and said that I was 14.  Hey, I looked and acted older anyway, right?  Plus, I forgot to mention that both of these girls were cute.  And developed (read: boobs).

So we had to lie and make up some other story about what we were really doing.  Don't even remember the lie, actually.  But we hit the road and drove off to have a campfire with our two new gal-pals.  Great success!

A night of hanging out, plenty of flirting, and roasted wieners (stop it you pervs) and it was almost time for us to get back.  Well, technically, we were probably already supposed to be back hours ago, but you know how it is (boobs!). 

The Saw took the older gal off somewhere to make out and there I was, a completely inexperienced 12 year old, with a 15 year old hottie who definitely thought I was older and cool. 

[The only point of conversation I can remember was when I made a lame joke about how they must have named the local Cedar River.  Me: "They probably said 'See-dare? River.'"  I know, lame.]

So did I make out with her?

To be continued...

I wouldn't do that.  Of course I made out with her!  I don't remember whether that was my first kiss or first boob touch, but I can say that it was probably the coolest thing that had happened in my life up to that point.  It might have even gone further, but like I said I was 12 and I had NO idea what to do.  My only instinct was "Boob!  Must touch!" (still is, actually)

The Saw had a lucrative night as well, more so than me, but he was older too.  He later even pulled out the proverbial "dude- smell my finger!" 

We lied about the whole trip for a while, but inevitably we got busted and I think either theirs or our parents found out and there were some stern phone calls. 

I never saw my girl again, but I can still kind of picture the whole thing in my mind and remember how nervous I was touching them hooters.  If you women only knew the power you contained in those innocent-looking breasticles...  man.

So basically I lied, scrounged money, and flirted my way into making out with a hot girl that never called again.  Not much changes in 15 years, huh?

Caleb "Boobs!!!" Shreves


  1. Oh we do, Caleb, we do. Mwahahahaha.

  2. Hmm.. maybe but not always.

    I got mine reduced, and I get hit on more now

    Breasticles though. That`s funny! Ha!

  3. Hooray for boobies! Blessing and a curse.

  4. Agreed! Boobs: blessing and curse. Those suckers can get in the way you know! ie. golfing and bowling.

  5. While I understand that they can be ponderous, heavy, a burden, and contribute to back problems in life...

    They're boobs!

    And Stone... for shame. For. Shame. You know I'm opposed to what you did merely in principle right?

    Unless it was absolutely medically necessary. And I'm the only one who can give approval.

  6. You're right.

    I'll go back in time then using a car crash as a time vortex back. Then you can tell me if it was needed. Medically.

    (It was really. I would have never paid for a surgery, didn't have the money anyway. Got the government to pay for it instead. Suckazz)